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27 Brilliantly Shit Things That Could Only Happen In English Football

"He appears to have a big sweaty penis on his back."

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1. Some say the English lower leagues lack the excitement of Europe's top leagues.

But that's just not true.

2. The excitement actually sometimes gets too much for some people.

Martin Allen appears to have a big sweaty penis on his back

3. It even gets too much for the players sometimes.

4. Visiting the club megastore is the highlight of everyone's pre-match ritual.

New 'megastore' opened yesterday. Brisk trade was reported ๐Ÿ˜‚

5. But just hope you never have to visit this snack stall.

So Altrincham's tea bar sells out of date crisps:

6. Maybe all the in-date snacks had been stolen...

Crap stuff happens in Welsh football too.

7. If you play your cards right, you might get a free pie.

Bury Chairman Stewart Day has left a voucher for a drink and a pie for every fan at the ground tonight ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ #BuryFC

8. These fans definitely deserve a free pie.

@FBAwayDays / Via Twitter: @FBAwayDays

9. Not sure about these ones though...

10. This one deserves a medal.

A Blackburn fan winding the Sheffield Wednesday fans up from a box at Ewood Park today. #BRFC #SWFC

11. These ones deserve a lifetime ban.

12. You see some weird stuff in the doldrums of football.


13. And some pretty incredible stuff.

Morecambe fans saw their keeper score an injury time equaliser last night, can't be many that are in that elite club

14. But mainly weird stuff.

15. Pretty much just avoid the toilets.

Highlight of @FisherFC game today was sign on the broken lavatory door.

16. Honestly.

Toilets at daisy hill.... #NonLeagueAtItsBest

17. Unless you want to have a sit down.

And thereโ€™s a sofa in the toilet. Non-league grounds outshine others for total randomness

18. Or mix some cement.

.@sidlowe In addition to the sunset the Non league experience really benefits from the cement mixer in the toilet

19. Or be scarred for life.

Away Game 3! Totally forgot to take said selfie, instead here's a picture of a toilet, typical non league facilities!

20. Lower league clubs are a bit more relaxed with their approach to social media.

Transfer update: A car just parked outside. If it belongs to a player he is probably in our price range #DeadlineDay

21. But not as relaxed as non-league clubs.

Apparently match is called off. Will check when I've left the gents.

22. The team talks are something else.

Funny tactics board #JellyBabies #impslive


Tectics board non league stile !!Forgot magnet board so using radiator like pitches this time of year in non league

"OK, lads, this is called 4-4-2."

24. But if you impress the boss, you'll get your reward.

Congrats to Paul Lewis on his most improved player award ๐Ÿ‘

One to tell the grandkids.

25. Most importantly, the clubs are close to fans.

These dentures were left in the stand on Saturday. Can the power of twitter reunite a supporter with their teeth?

BREAKING NEWS - We have found the owner of the dentures! George and his teeth will be reunited soon. Thank you to everybody who helped #Win

26. Some sides will do anything to get a game on for the fans.

Potential issue here at Bognor with part of the pitch frozen. 6 cars are currently trying to thaw out the surface.

27. Even if the fan is a horse.

Anyway, forget Chelsea. The real news is the horse that turned up to see Ashington's Northern League match with Crook

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