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A Completely Unnecessary Analysis Of Michael Owen's Commentary Today

Football is back, but that also means Michael Owen is back – something not welcomed by some people on Twitter.

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1. We'll kick off with this beauty: "To score a goal, for me, you need two headers"


Michael started his BT Sport commentary of Manchester United vs Tottenham in style, with a quote for the ages. One we'll pass down to our grandchildren, and one they'll pass down to our grandchildren's grandchildren.

Other than it literally being not true, it's pretty accurate.

The reason it works so well, as a quote, is the "for me", subtly inserted into the middle of the sentence as if to say: "You can have your opinions on how goals are scored, you can think what you want... but, for me, you can't score a goal without the ball being headed twice."

2. "Ashley Young should have been pulling that one back, there was no-one in the six yard box"

Michael Regan / Getty Images

Absolutely correct.

Obviously you can see Toby Alderweireld in the six-yard box there, but... nope, never mind.

3. "A lot of your work is done with your feet these days"

Oli Scarff / Getty Images

What. A. Quote.

It's not clear if he was talking about goalkeepers or outfield players, but either way, it's perfect.

It's more likely he was talking about goalkeepers, in which case, they do actually use their feet more than they used to, so Michael is 100% correct in his analysis.


That didn't stop this happening though...

Michael Owen "a lot of the work is done with your feet nowadays" mmmm yeah yeah compared to when everyone use to use their hands instead 😒😒

5. "Kyle Walker's had a good day really."

Getty / Oli Scarf

This came directly after he mis-kicked the ball, leading to him being nutmegged by his own player, and also bearing in mind he literally scored an own goal.

He was the actual reason his team were losing.

But Michael loves the underdog.

6. "Alderweireld played really well last year for Tottenham, so if he can transfer that form over to Spurs he'll be a great signing."

7. "You expect them [Tottenham] to start pushing now." (With one minute to go, while losing 1-0).

Michael Owen is to football commentary what Jar Jar Banks is to Star Wars.

Famously, Michael Owen doesn't watch films, so he probably doesn't get that reference.

Again, this is what Michael Owen does best, an #Owenism at its finest. He is saying something that is clearly, 100% true, you do expect Tottenham to start pushing.

Now we wait, with bated breath, to see what else Michael Owen will say over the next 38 weeks. What else can he teach us? What else can we learn?

Never change, Michael. Never change.

Michael Owen: "A lot of the work is done with your feet these days..." x #Owenisms.

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