75 Thoughts We’ve All Had During A Hangover

I’m just going to take a nap right here.

1. See above.
2. Where the hell am I?
3. Who the fuck are you?
4. How did I get here?
5. I cannot function right now.
6. I need to get food.
7. Did I eat last night?
8. Oh, this is dried ketchup.
10. What the hell happened last night?
11. What is this bruise?
12. What did I do last night?
13. I can’t remember anything.
14. I need to lie down.
15. But first I need to take a dump.
16. What a fine log.
17. Still feel like shit.
19. I need to throw up.
20. I am going to make myself throw up.
21. I fucking hate my life.
22. I hate everyone.
23. Where is my phone?
24. What the fuck happened to my phone?
25. God I stink.

26. Someone definitely cried last night.
27. Oh shit that was me.
28. The walk of shame. I am doing the walk of shame.
29. I can’t feel my legs.
30. Everyone is staring.
31. Why is this person talking to me?
32. Do I look like I can hold a conversation?
33. I think you’ve just realized I’m brain dead.
34. Good, fuck off.
35. Why are there so many kids around?
36. God I hate kids.
37. I hate smiles and happiness.
38. If someone comes near my McDonald’s I swear I will scream.
39. McDonald’s has actually just saved my life.
40. The only thing I need in my life is McDonald’s.
41. And Burger King.
42. And KFC.
43. Pizza is good too.
44. Where can I get pizza?
45. How much money did I spend last night?
46. No money for pizza.
47. I think I’m still drunk.
48. I just can’t deal with this right now.
49. I want to crawl into a hole and die.
50. I wonder what the minimum order is for Domino’s delivery?

51. Uggggggh.
52. I cannot physically move.
53. This is the worst hangover ever.
54. There is a world full of pain and I am in it.
55. I’m just going to take a nap right here.
56. I don’t want to do anything.
58. I am too old for this shit.
59. I need another dump.
60. How is it possible that I feel worse?
61. 21st century and still no hangover cure. GREAT JOB SCIENCE PEOPLE.
62. I am SO hungover.
63. This is the most hungover I have ever been.
64. I want to be held like a newborn babe.
65. I’d rather die that endure this any longer.
66. Someone shoot me.
67. Did that happen last night?
68. That didn’t happen last night
70. If I don’t remember, it didn’t happen.
72. If anyone asks, you went straight home.
73. I am a fucking disgrace.
74. I am never drinking again.
75. I wonder what everyone’s doing tonight?

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