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    17 Twitter Stories That Will Make You Say "I LOVE THE INTERNET"

    Short, sweet, and sometimes savage.


    Yesterday I stopped to pet a dog, and as the owner walked away I heard him say to her, "You see? Everybody loves you! And you don't even love yourself!!!" and I'm going to be thinking about it for the next five years


    This lady at my work today told me her ex husband cheated on her so she made him a “beef and rice” dinner with alpo dog food mixed in and didn’t tell him till after he ate the whole thing that if he wanted to act like a dog she would feed him like one & I’m still laughing


    my 93 y/o resident had me watering her flowers for well over 20 minutes because they had to be perfect. she then told me to look at them really closely and tell me if i noticed anything. they were fake, literally not real at all. then she said april fools go get me a coffee. Lmao


    My nephew didn’t want to go school today, so he’s sat next to the radiator for a good 20 minutes. Walks past me and whispers ‘watch this’. Goes straight to his mum and says ‘think my head’s really warm I’m not feeling well’ , she feels his head and sends him straight to bed 😭😂


    Today the drug dog came to our school and he stopped by my car and wouldn't move so I had to go out there and unlock it so he could search my car and it was because of the dog treats I keep in there


    a baby was staring at me in target so i started waving to her & she waved back & the mom whipped around & was like OMG & i was like oh sorry i was just waving to your baby & she was like THAT WAS THE 1ST TIME SHES WAVED & me & this mom SCREAMED in the store bc we were so excited


    Ricky was just acting like he wasn’t my bf at the gym, saying to me “you look nice in those leggings, can I take you out some time?” This girl (that I don’t know) comes up to me and says “hey you ready to leave?” I informed her he was my bf BUT GIRL I APPRECIATE YOU


    Overheard a woman say very angrily on the phone “I married a stale ham sandwich of a human” and calling someone a stale ham sandwich is probably my new favorite insult


    Today this little 3yr old tried to pay for her family’s dinner with a Barbie credit card. I took the card and made her a little check out to make it seem like she did and she tipped me 3$😭


    i’m shifting my wig on the metro and me and this older black lady make eye contact. she points her hand a lil to the left. i move my wig to the left, and then she gives me a thumbs up. 😂 ✊🏾


    My siblings had a fight once and it went like this Tyler: “Anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid!” Sam: “Tyler.” To this day I still laugh out loud in inappropriate settings because I randomly think of it.


    My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “ he needs to use kind words with friends “ . I asked him about it and he said “ My friends are dumb and they need to know “


    I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water” *students erupt in laughter*


    in 5th grade the boy I liked invited me into his igloo on club penguin to ask me who I liked and I said you tell me first ;) and he said "Erica" and it was my first of many moments like that


    we went to waffle house at 2 am and it was super icy outside so the workers gave us serving trays to go sledding outside of the restaurant, and our waitress took my phone and charged it when it died. its not a waffle house but a waffle home.


    One time my friend Brandon’s Dad and his mom were in a heated argument in the car and she took his kid rock cd out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and he looked her dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same cd and put it back in the player


    this guy was just sitting on the floor of the gym on his phone and he looks up at me and goes “my girl has my location shared and i promised her i was gonna go to the gym more so now i just sit here and watch netflix” LMAOOOOO