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18 Fuckboys Who Completely Failed At Being Fuckboys

"If you were a potato I'd have sex with you."

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1. If you're gonna be a fuckboy, at least try to construct a proper sentence.

Otherwise we're simply too confused to be repulsed.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Otherwise we're simply too confused to be repulsed.

2. Maybe get another fuckboy to proofread your messages.

The misspelling is even more of a turn-off than the question tbh.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

The misspelling is even more of a turn-off than the question tbh.

3. If you're gonna use the ol' "I must have typed that in my sleep" excuse, at least make it worth it.

"Wish I was up there with you." Up where? Heaven? What?
straightwhiteboystexting.org

"Wish I was up there with you." Up where? Heaven? What?

4. And know that autocorrect is not your friend!

Because now I want to know more about your honeybees, Ronald.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Because now I want to know more about your honeybees, Ronald.

5. If you're gonna be a fuckboy, never reveal why you are a fuckboy.

We know anyway.

6. Fuckboys often get to the point quickly, so don't go overboard with your opening line.

Because then we'll just ask you if you're okay when you really want us to tell you to fuck off.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Because then we'll just ask you if you're okay when you really want us to tell you to fuck off.

7. And for the LOVE OF GOD make sure you get it right the first time!

You don't want our pity you want our disgust!
straightwhiteboystexting.org

You don't want our pity you want our disgust!

8. Never ever say "Holy garbanzo beans".

It's just not the done thing in fuckboy circles.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

It's just not the done thing in fuckboy circles.

9. Or "dingleling".

Cock, wang, shlong, piece, dick — believe it or not, all of these are much better options.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Cock, wang, shlong, piece, dick — believe it or not, all of these are much better options.

10. Incest is never cool. Even fuckboys know that.

There are some territories even fuckboys don't enter.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

There are some territories even fuckboys don't enter.

11. And JFC, do not talk about having sex with a potato!

Leave the potatoes alone! Don't be that guy!
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Leave the potatoes alone! Don't be that guy!

12. Or your dog!

Just talk about your dick! Tell us how big it is!
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Just talk about your dick! Tell us how big it is!

13. Basically please just avoid dragging family members or pets into your fuckboy life, okay?

We'll just call the police or the RSPCA.
shitpeopleontindersay.tumblr.com

We'll just call the police or the RSPCA.

14. Make sure you follow through with your lines, don't half-ass being a fuckboy!

Commit! Could be very confusing otherwise.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Commit! Could be very confusing otherwise.

15. And whatever you do, don't repeat yourself.

You are a fuckboy NOT a fuckrobot. Although granted, that's probably to come.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

You are a fuckboy NOT a fuckrobot. Although granted, that's probably to come.

16. Always make it clear that you're a fuck-boy, and not say, a really weird perverted cat.

Instagram: @shodans_server

Stop the meowing, it's very confusing.

17. Don't be overly persistent, know when you have failed!

You're not good at this and it's OK.
straightwhiteboystexting.org

You're not good at this and it's OK.

18. And finally, reflect privately.

Is the fuckboy life for you? Are you actually just a nice person that cannot communicate properly? Don't be ashamed to talk to people like they're human beings!
straightwhiteboystexting.org

Is the fuckboy life for you? Are you actually just a nice person that cannot communicate properly? Don't be ashamed to talk to people like they're human beings!

H/T this excellent Tumblr : straightwhiteboystexting.