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19 Funny Tweets About Food That Are So Damn Real It Hurts

"My bucket list is basically a list of places I want to eat."

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1.

The stages of eating pizza 1) I ate way too much 2) This hurts. Why am I still eating? 3) One more bite & I’ll die 4) Just 3 more slices

2.

When Dominos said they'd be 45 minutes but it's been 50.

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3.

I'm at my most desperate when food comes but it's too hot to eat.

4.

you: we’re going to the bar later, come over to pre-drink me: we’re going to dinner later, come over to pre-eat

6.

I almost just choked on a kale chip and all I could think was that this never happens with Cinnabons.

7.

porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid

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8.

45 mins ago: OMG I'm so full from this Chinese buffet, I won't even need dinner tonight. Now: OMG I'm absolutely ravenous.

9.

Diet Journal Day 1: 9:04 AM: Ate a cheesecake.

10.

My bucket list is basically a list of places I want to eat.

11.

Woman Eats Disappointing Salad, Questions Where It All Went Wrong

12.

I don't need a personal essay with your online recipe. JUST GET TO HOW I MAKE THE FUCKING CAKE.

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13.

Save 4,000 calories by going to bed at 7pm.

15.

Diet tip: instead of eating three large meals a day, break it up and eat 78 smaller ones.

16.

*walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* "Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"

17.

if we go on a pizza date it's me on a date with pizza you're just the third wheel stop trying to make it all about you lil bitch

18.

why spend $80 on a swimsuit when you can buy 320 chicken nuggets

19.

[hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom] "Now give me my wife." "This is short by £2.39" [hides Mcflurry] "it's all I got."

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