21 Tweets You'll Only Find Funny If You're Over 25

"My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn't take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me."

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1.

How to be an adult: -have no money -buy things -have less money -buy more things -wonder where the money is going -repeat

2.

I'll look at Instagram, close it, then immediately open it back up expecting new stuff. Like, theres no way our grandparents are proud of us

3.

R u ever having like a nice chill night and then u decide to casually check up on someone via social media who ruined your life...

4.

Me: Good night Brain: So here's what's wrong

5.

Me after saying no to mimosas at brunch once

6.

Me: I'm getting my life together once I get off the internet. Narrator: It's bullshit. She will, in fact, never get off the internet.

7.

[checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day

8.

One day you're not old and the next day you have a favorite grocery store.

9.

Adulthood is mostly whispering "For Fucks sake" Every time the phone rings

10.

all i wanna do is [gunshot noise x4] [cash register noise x2] get healthy, have a job i love, and be happy

11.

My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn't take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me

12.

i'm great!! i'm good i'm doing good hahaha. i mean "well" haha! haha i'm doing well, not good! haha i'm not doing good! im not doing so good

13.

*gets asked anything relating to my future* me:

14.

HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out

15.

The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore

16.

my parents, at 27: married, with a kid me, at 27: i prefer ordering pizza Online so i don't have to ever interact with a human person

17.

tween (explaining seriously): its called "family" because ur not my "fam" unless "ily." me (nodding and thinking about a donut) I see.

18.

1. Wear Fitbit 2. Pack gym clothes 3. Pack salad 4. Go to work 5. Eat donut 6. Go out for lunch 7. Skip gym Rinse and Repeat.

19.

Just walked by the place I had brunch last weekend and one of my friends is still sitting there talking about herself

20.

Getting older is just a slow parade of different body parts going "um, actually"

21.

drunk me: I'm tired sober me: I'm tired coffee me: I'm tired cocaine me: I'm tired on fire me: I'm tired