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21 Funny Tweets That Perfectly Sum Up Your Hatred For People

"My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog but not wanting to talk to its owner".

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1.

I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place.

2.

Shout out to all the people that have never talked to me. Appreciate you.

3.

Friend: You going out tonight? Me: No Friend: What are you gonna do? Me: I'm having some friends over for dinner

4.

best part about making plans with people is canceling plans with people, then never having to see people

5.

*leaves house in the morning* NEIGHBOR: Good morning! *goes back in house, locks doors, sets alarms, closes shades*

6.

Thanks to smartphones I no longer memorize phone numbers which leaves more space for important things like grudges.

7.

The nice thing about getting old is that no one wants to make small talk with you anymore.

8.

My answer to “what are you doing this weekend” will always be dependent on why someone is asking. I need to know what I’m getting out of.

10.

"This is a mistake" -I whisper as I leave my house

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12.

*scrolls* FUCK OFF *scrolls* FUCK OFF *scrolls* FUCK OFF *scrolls* FUCK OFF *scrolls* FUCK OFF *scrolls* FUCK OFF *scrolls* FUCK OFF

13.

So, tell me less about yourself.

14.

"want to go grab some dinner?" *lights cat on fire* sorry I can't my cats on fire

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[bends down to pet your dog] Me: what's this guys name Owner: this is- Me [not breaking eye contact with dog]: yeah I wasn't talking to you

17.

I act like I don't mind being alone when deep down, the truth is that I fucking love being alone

19.

him: i love you me: *inaudible with food in my mouth*

20.

Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.

21.

Thinking about quitting my job to spend more time with the dog

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

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