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    Updated on Sep 2, 2020. Posted on Mar 3, 2016

    21 Seriously Funny Tweets About Dieting That Are Way Too Real

    "[17 minutes into diet] I can't live like this."

    1.

    "I'll save half of this for later," I said. And we laughed and laughed.

    2.

    TRAINER: what are your diet and exercise goals? ME: to do them

    3.

    Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*

    4.

    Layritten / Getty Images / Twitter: @CherylCheryl94

    5.

    [17 minutes into diet] I can't live like this.

    6.

    I can't relate to anyone who uses the word "small" in front of the word "snack."

    7.

    Netflix and try not to eat every damn thing in sight.

    8.

    [watching a guy eat an entire pizza] no wonder he's fat [me eating an entire pizza] I'll start my diet tomorrow

    9.

    I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.

    10.

    I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.

    11.

    Bananas should have really loud wrappers, like hey, look at me, I'm eating fruit! Candy should have soft wrappers like, shhhh, I'm a loser.

    12.

    Gladys_glez / Getty Images / Twitter: @simoncholland

    13.

    *gets stomach virus and loses 10 lbs.* AWWW YEAH *gains 15 back the first day of feeling better*

    14.

    [setting up new fitbit] What's your height? 5'6" What's your gender? F What's your weight? [deletes app, throws fitbit into roaring fire]

    15.

    Is It Too Early For Lunch? - an autobiography

    16.

    I feel like a taco salad is the worst way to eat a taco, and yet, the best way to eat a salad.

    17.

    Me: We really need to start eating better. Husband: Yep. M: H: M: H: M: H: M: H: Me: Wanna just have nachos for dinner? Husband: YES.

    18.

    Alicia_garcia / Getty Images / Twitter: @PinkCamoTO

    19.

    Me: stuffs face with Captain Crunch Boyfriend: "Whatcha eating?" Me: points to broccoli

    20.

    Is the Paleo diet the one where you only eat dinosaurs?

    21.

    Stages of dieting 1. Read about new diet 2. Spend $300 on vegetables 3. Commit publicly to diet on FB 4. Dive head first into plate of bacon

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