1.
"I'll save half of this for later," I said. And we laughed and laughed.
2.
TRAINER: what are your diet and exercise goals? ME: to do them
3.
Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*
4.
5.
[17 minutes into diet] I can't live like this.
6.
I can't relate to anyone who uses the word "small" in front of the word "snack."
7.
Netflix and try not to eat every damn thing in sight.
8.
[watching a guy eat an entire pizza] no wonder he's fat [me eating an entire pizza] I'll start my diet tomorrow
9.
I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
10.
I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.
11.
Bananas should have really loud wrappers, like hey, look at me, I'm eating fruit! Candy should have soft wrappers like, shhhh, I'm a loser.
12.
13.
*gets stomach virus and loses 10 lbs.* AWWW YEAH *gains 15 back the first day of feeling better*
14.
[setting up new fitbit] What's your height? 5'6" What's your gender? F What's your weight? [deletes app, throws fitbit into roaring fire]
15.
Is It Too Early For Lunch? - an autobiography
16.
I feel like a taco salad is the worst way to eat a taco, and yet, the best way to eat a salad.
17.
Me: We really need to start eating better. Husband: Yep. M: H: M: H: M: H: M: H: Me: Wanna just have nachos for dinner? Husband: YES.
18.
19.
Me: stuffs face with Captain Crunch Boyfriend: "Whatcha eating?" Me: points to broccoli
20.
Is the Paleo diet the one where you only eat dinosaurs?
21.
Stages of dieting 1. Read about new diet 2. Spend $300 on vegetables 3. Commit publicly to diet on FB 4. Dive head first into plate of bacon