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21 Reasons To Say Goodbye To Your Tights

Let your legs and your crotch be free.

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Tights keep you warm AND you don't even have to bother shaving.

So that would make these anti-shave, snuggly leg warmers a totally genius invention, right?

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WRONG!

1. Firstly, they are a complete nightmare to put on.

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2. And unless you clip them to your bra* they will roll down past your waist and cut into your stomach.

*patent pending.
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*patent pending.

3. Or they will roll down underneath your belly, letting it all hang out.

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4. Which means you spend a large percentage of your day hiking them up.

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5. Quite possibly in public.

6. They don't make you feel like a graceful ballerina.

7. Or a sexy lingerie model.

8. OH NO.

9. You will always finding a a hole creeping up on you somewhere.

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11. And toe holes, fucking toe holes.

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12. So you're always buying new tights and spending a shit ton of money.

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13. They make your feet smell absolutely abysmal.

14. Because tights are basically a fucking sweatbox.

15. And so shit gets itchy, real itchy.

16. And itchiness + nails + tights =

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17. You either have to sausage yourself in them to get a half decent fit.

18. Or go larger and risk them sagging below your hemline.

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19. Sure tights can be cute, but the cuter the tights, the DEEPER THE PAIN.

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20. So just say "ta-ta" to your tights, and hello to your luscious legs.

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21. Because your cat looks better in them anyway.