50 Thoughts You Have When You're The Only Single Person At A Dinner Party
My wine is my plus one.
1. I like dinner parties, they're fun, yet civilised.
2. Food, alcohol, friends, what more could you want?
3. Also, maybe I will meet someone cute at this thing and not totally fuck it up.
4. Because this time I won't smell like vomit since this is a classy affair.
5. Dinner parties FTW.
6. Although... what if I'm the only single one there?
7. Shit, I might actually be the only single one there.
8. Yup, the only single one here.
9. Even Millie and Jack have coupled up, when did that happen?
10. They've contributed a joint casserole, things must be serious.
11. Whereas I on the other hand, have bought some potato salad.
12. And a bottle of Echo Falls that cost me £4.99.
13. God I am single as fuck.
14. This is OK, this will be OK.
15. I will just keep my shitty bottle of wine to myself and get hideously drunk.
16. Everyone is talking about wedding costs and house prices.
17. And yet they all have money to buy wine that isn't in the sale section.
18. My dream one day.
19. God I hate couples.
20. If they start talking about babies I will stab myself with this very nice fork.
21. This cutlery really is fancy.
22. What the fuck kind of party is this?
23. I am not responsible enough to be trusted with this nice shit.
24. Maybe this will all play out like that scene in Bridget Jones.
25. And Mr Darcy will come running down the stairs as I'm leaving to tell me he likes me, just the way I am.
26. Or maybe I will just get absolutely shitfaced and start crying hysterically.
27. Let them judge me.
28. Let them say "Oh we can't set her up with so-and-so, she's unhinged, she's desperate."
29. Why can't couples just have house parties like normal people?
30. Why do they have to do this couple shit and then invite one random single to make it look like they haven't completely resigned themselves to old age?
31. I could be getting it on with a random in the downstairs toilet by now.
32. Instead of admiring their luxury hand soap and regretting my life choices.
33. I could be crashing next to said random on the sofa later and spend the night snuggling.
34. BUT NOT REALLY SNUGGLING WINK WINK.
35. God I miss those days.
36. Everyone was young and single.
37. And absolutely no one brought a fucking casserole.
38. Just cheap vodka and class A drugs.
39. Now my singledom is the topic of discussion.
40. Everyone is thinking of someone to set me up with. FML.
41. They are all so sorry that "none of their friends are single".
42. SAME DICKHEADS, SAME.
43. Oh fuck, now they are asking me about Tinder.
44. They want to have a go doing the "swipey thing".
45. They can fuck right off.
46. Not having you swipe right for some monobrowed sex pest for your own personal enjoyment, thanks.
47. They're all fighting each other to have a go like wild, deprived dogs.
48. This dinner party actually makes me glad I'm single.
49. I'm just going to take everyone's leftovers home and have my own party.
50. Just me, myself and pie.