1. Whenever one of your uncles came to your house they would always ask you the same damn question: "How's your studies?"
2. But nothing was worse than your aunties discussing marriage options as soon as you hit puberty.
3. Taking an interest in something that wasn't maths, engineering or medicine, was never understood.
4. And you could never get your white friends to understand why the word "freedom" had a completely different meaning to your family.
5. Leaving the house was practically impossible without giving your parents a full itinerary.
6. And once they finally let you go, they would utter the worst three words ever:
7. Guests were always turning up to your house unannounced.
8. There was no task too small your parents would make you do for them.
9. And they would communicate such tasks by shouting or with elaborate hand gestures.
10. Your fridge would be 80% pickles and chutneys.
11. And ALL container tubs would be full of lies.
12. Your relatives would never hold back on telling you some home truths.
Indian parents are like "Beti look at how much rice you've taken! This is why you're getting fat. Chal, take less!"
13. So you quickly grew a thick skin.
14. Before any exam your mum would force you to eat lots of almonds.
15. And whenever the whole family were out, you would have to keep the TV and lights on so that "burglars" would think you were home.
16. People would always joke about you owning a newsagent.
17. And there was always that one friend...
18. When your non-asian friends would come to your house you always felt the need to explain certain things.
19. And if you ate non asian-food with your parents they would immediately complain that it was "bland" or mention how it needed "little bit garlic, little bit chilli, little bit ginger".
20. But you could never complain about them to their face because asian parents do not fuck about.
21. Although perhaps worse than any punishment was when you were forced to visit relatives in Leicester.
And your parents would say "OK, let's make a move" every hour on the hour until they finally left...at midnight.