We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about a time they've shat themselves. Here are their poop-ridden stories.
1. The $20,000 Presidential Shart.
When I was seven, my friend and I were terrified of this painting of George Washington my parents had hung in our living room. So I decided one night when she was sleeping over, that we should sneak out of my room and go teach George a lesson. I climbed onto the back of the couch and pulled down my pants, trying to push out a fart, but my friend and I were laughing so hard that I projectile-sharted all over the face of our first president. We woke my parents up and learned it was a painting that valued at more than 20k, so they had to get it professionally cleaned.
Side note: My mom was moving a couple years ago and ruined it via puncture.
Submitted by dakotad460ba6538
2. The Poopy Camper.
One time as a counselor at a church camp I was leading my third-grade campers out of the wilderness when I felt something heinous drop to my colon. Wanting to share the experience, I trusted that it was just a fart and yelled "listen to this!", bent down, and then proceeded to just fill my pants in front of all my campers and best friend. I had to waddle to the women's outhouse to throw my soiled shorts away.
Submitted by coleb45633b85c
3. Shatican City.
I had been studying abroad in Florence, Italy, and decided to take a quick trip to Rome. I had heard that the water from the public fountains would be just fine to drink, so I did. We were almost done with a tour of Vatican City, and it hit me: I shit my pants in the gift shop of Vatican City. It was a 20-minute metro back to my hostel and a two-hour train ride home to Florence.
Submitted by lexyd3
4. The Hangover.
One morning I was so incredibly hungover that I somehow forgot to remove my PJ bottoms and underwear before I used the toilet. So yeah…I shit my pants. On the toilet. I honestly have no idea. It was awful.
Submitted by jenniferf4ccbdda88
5. The Dog Walk of Shame.
In the summer, I like to take my dog on long walks after dinner. One night I had walked three to four miles away from home when it suddenly hit me. I knew my bowels were unhappy with what I had eaten. The only thing I could do was walk as fast as I could home. I made it to my street but the poop was ready to come, so I decided to take off running. It was too late though: As I ran, I pooped my pants. I ran into the house and screamed "I'M POOPING MY PANTS!" at my parents. My family and dog don't speak of it to this day.
Submitted by saddiek
6. The Mystery of the Smuggled Dog.
I went to a basketball game with my fiancé and on the way home as soon as we pulled on to the main road I started to feel that rumble in my tummy. We stopped at a gas station and there was NO PUBLIC TOILET! We tried another gas station. NO PUBLIC TOILET! I finally decided we could make it home, but I started having the worst cramps of my life. We stopped at a grocery store, and I took off my pantyhose in anticipation, but before my fiancé could get me to the bathroom, I lost control and started leaving droppings on the floor. He finally pushed me into the family bathroom, where I exploded for a good five minutes. When I came out my fiancé just took my arm and hurried me out. When we got into the car he said, "It's good that you came out, because a lady stepped in it and the store manager was starting to follow the trail to find the dog someone smuggled in."
Submitted by hollyr4beb8d1a4
7. The Kiss that Launched a Thousand Shits.
I was at the mall with my boyfriend and had to poop but couldn't go. He walked me to my car and gave me a kiss. As soon as he closed the door I pooped my pants. So I sat on a bag and sped home which was about a 45-minute drive. On the way home I got pulled over by a cop. I was humiliated and couldn't tell him why I was speeding so I ended up getting a ticket.
Submitted by kellyh4bd842ba2
8. The Daredevil.
It was at like eight years old in my best friend's basement, and she just looks at me and with a dead straight face, says:
"Dare me to shit my pants?" And I'm like "Yeah." And she did.
Submitted by dakotad460ba6538
9. The Scapegoat.
I was pregnant and took some laxatives because I hadn't shit in weeks. They didn't do anything for two days until the exact moment I was standing in line to go through security at LAX. That's when I felt the rumbling but didn't go to the bathroom for fear of missing my flight. My two-year-old was fussing and when I bent down to pick her up the strain of it all caused an explosion in my pants. I waddled through security and luckily didn't get patted down. I blamed the smell on my daughter.
Submitted by gemmah4221cc48f
10. The Gary Lineker of Tinder.
I recently went back to this girl's house after an enjoyable date. The following morning I got up and noticed a small patch on the sheets where my arse had been situated. I initially dismissed the idea of it being a genuine skidmark, as it had never happened before, so I assumed I had simply been suffering from a very sweaty crack. It was only when I got home and went for my post-coital dump that I saw the shit stain on my boxers. It was in that instant that I knew the game was up. I'd basically become The Gary Lineker of Tinder. Needless to say, I never heard from her again.
Submitted by Anonymous, Facebook
11. The Trip of a Lifetime.
On my honeymoon we went to Jamaica and I picked then to try goat! It was our first night there and I didn't know where the restrooms were, so I started speed-walking to our hotel room. I made it all the way to the door but tripped over the threshold to our room. When I tripped it was like a release switch went off and I shit my pants. I showered and changed fast and went back to my new husband. He looked me right in the face and said, "You shit your pants, didn't you?"
Submitted by laurabethf
12. The Light at the End of a Shitty Tunnel.
So I was with my boyfriend in wine country celebrating our three-year anniversary. I got one of those "OH MY GOD I have to poop right now" feelings. The tasting room gave me some ridiculous line about not letting people, even paying customers, use their bathroom so I had to walk to a church two blocks away. As soon as I walked in, it happened and I had to throw away my underwear in a church. I told my boyfriend and he proposed that night anyway. I might be the only person who shit herself and got engaged in the same day.
Submitted by megand4dba2064f
13. The Wedding Toast.
I was given the task of a toast at my sister's wedding. As I have a terrible fear of public speaking I tried to make it more comfortable by throwing some jokes in. The time came for my speech, and the combination of my phobia and nervous laughter at my own bad jokes caused me to violently shit my pants (or dress in this case). The worst part is I was so nervous I just kept talking as it ran down my legs and my (horrified) audience watched.
Submitted by morgank4df643d6d
14. The Protest Poo.
The flight attendant wouldn't let me get up to use the bathroom so I angry-shat myself to make her feel bad.
Submitted by suzyj44fdf08d5
15. The Hose-Down.
I was having breakfast at my friend's parents' house and I'm not good with 2% milk. I was sitting on the front brick wall with my friend and felt a fart coming on. I thought it was just a fart but boy was I wrong. I turned to my friend with a look of fear and said, "I just shit myself." She thought I was kidding but looked over and it was literally running down the brick wall. She of course yells to her mom, "Michele just shit her pants!!" and her mom yelled, "She is not coming in the house like that, hose her off out back!!" So I'm on the side of the house with no shorts or underwear on as my friend is laughing and uncontrollably spraying me with water. To top it off, her cocker spaniel runs up and takes my soiled underwear and runs around the yard proud as can be.
Submitted by michelek11
16. The Shirt, not the Shit.
I was at a frat party and felt queasy so I quickly got in line for the bathroom. Panic started to set in as I realized I wasn't going to make it. Right as the poo was being released into my underwear, the girl in line after me taps me on my shoulder and says "I love your shirt". I replied "thank you" with a weak smile and she continued to ask where I got it, yadda yadda. Not many times in your life can you have a conversation with a complete stranger while shitting your pants.
Submitted by meganv4fde50e09
17. The Potty Animal.
One of my good friends was having a house party and we were play drinking games. Several rounds later when I should've stopped, a bong made out of a Powerade bottle was brought out and several people, including myself, took a few hits. Shortly after, I remember feeling really sick and went to the bathroom to throw up. My friend threw me into her housemate's bed (who I'd been hooking up with occasionally) with only my underwear on because I'd refused to put any other clothes on. Fast forward a few minutes and I realize I have to poop. Unfortunately I'm so inebriated at this point that I can't move, so I lay there in the housemate's bed shitting myself. I wake up the next morning to the mortification that I've shit in this guy's bed. When I asked if I could help clean up after the party because I felt so bad, all he could mutter to me was "Shit happens".
Submitted by Anonymous
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.