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19 Hilarious Tweets That Prove Kids Give Absolutely Zero Fucks

"To Mum. Let me outside or I will break this family."

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1.

I'd like to share a joke with you that my 2yo nephew told me. 2yo: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? 2yo: I don't know. *leaves

2.

Me: Get out of bed. 4-year-old: No! Me: Why do you fight me every single morning? 4: Because you never learn.

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4.

When I was a kid I had to say "yes, sir" and "no, sir." My son just threatened to call 911 because I'm making him eat a hotdog.

5.

5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands

6.

dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!" 11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!"

7.

Son: Mom you look like you're 20 ... Me: Awwwww Son: ... thousand years old.

8.

10: Mom what's a metaphor? Me: My life is a train wreck. 10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?

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9.

6yo: I don't like this cookie, it's too big Me: *faints 6yo: And the chocolate chips are too big Me: *dies

10.

7yo: Why can't I have coffee? Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

11.

Me: We all make mistakes. 5: Even you? Me: Yep 5: Oh yeah! Like when you're trying to cook food that tastes good but then it doesn't?

12.

6YR OLD: does it hurt, daddy? ME: [with a tissue up my nose to stop the bleeding] yes 6: good...that'll teach you not to eat my ice cream

13.

Me: *tries to be a good mom *sets up craft time 3yo: *dumps out water *pees in paint cup *dips paintbrush in pee *tries to paint with piss

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14.

The 7 yo's got a flair for the dramatic.

15.

Me: Pick up your toys 6-year-old: *picks up a toy and sets it back down* Me: I meant pick it up and put it away 6: I'm not a mind reader.

17.

6: Wanna play school with us? Me: Sure, I could use a break from cleani- 6: Ok, you be the janitor.

18.

(Man hobbles into grocery store using a cane) 5: HEY MOM THAT MAN IS USING A WALKING STICK BC HIS BONES AREN'T STRONG & HE'LL DIE SOON RIGHT

19.

My cousin: [to my kids] omg you guys have grown so much! How old are you now? 6: What's your wifi password?

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