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19 Dog Tweets That Are Funny Because They Are Fucking True

"If you're carrying around a bag of your dog's shit, the dog won."

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1.

[runs into friends with baby] Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY. Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him? Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?

2.

In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.

4.

i hope this dog can’t see how often i check his instagram

5.

*pets dog* if ur always hapy are u ever truly hapy *pets dog mor* or is hapiness only somthing we see in u bc we kno sadness *dog wags tail*

6.

Me: Aww hey little fella! Dog: *wags tail Me: Awww C'mere! Dog: *rolls on to back Me: You want a belly rub?! Dog: 💄 Me: Ew 😒

7.

*whispers "we should run away together" while petting the neighbor's dog*

8.

When you're at a party and the dog comes downstairs

9.

I wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores.

10.

Date: I love dogs Me: [trying to think of something to impress her] my dad is a dog

11.

I always wanna go up to ppl's dogs & say "OMG I'm such a huge fan of your work. I've been following it since over there." *points 7 ft away*

12.

[bends down to pet your dog] Me: what's this guys name Owner: this is- Me [not breaking eye contact with dog]: yeah I wasn't talking to you

13.

every time I see a really old dog I just automatically assume we are friends.

14.

nice dog. Sure would be a shame if someone were to...pet it for like 40 minutes

16.

My dog acts pretty tough for someone who's afraid of cotton balls

17.

*starts petting your dog at the dog park* we're dating now

18.

when a cat ignores you, you think "that's on you" when a dog ignores you, you think "you saw into my dark soul"

19.

"We'd be rich if you just said one fucking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog

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