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    Jul 28, 2017

    29 Bizarre But Also Very Real Fears Everyone Has Or Is It Just Me

    Someone knocking at your door late at night and it being the police coming to arrest you for those sweets you stole when you were seven.

    Remee Patel / Flyparade / Getty Images

    1. Going for a really stinky poo and people being able to smell it on you afterwards.

    2. Bitching about someone to a friend, accidentally calling that specific person, and then leaving a voicemail recording the whole conversation.

    3. Having your laptop open while getting ready and someone secretly watching you via the webcam or streaming it on a dodgy website.

    4. Housesitting for a friend and doing something weird, and it being caught by the hidden cameras in their house they set up specifically to catch you being weird.

    5. Using something from someone else's bathroom cabinet, not putting it back in the EXACT same location and position as before, and them noticing and calling you out in front of all of the other guests.

    6. Watching something on YouPorn, accidentally pressing the wrong thing, and sharing what you've been wanking over on Facebook.

    7. Having to speak out loud after a prolonged period of being silent and no words coming out just a squeaky "weeee".

    8. Leaving a store having not bought anything so walking at an abnormally slow place past the security guard to prove you haven't stolen anything, but the alarm going off anyway and it turning out that you had a pair of knickers stuck to your bag.

    9. Finding out that you've had bad breath the whole time you've been alive but everyone's just been too polite to say anything.

    10. Seeing yourself look great in one mirror, then completely different in another mirror and not knowing which one is the real you.

    11. Killing a bug impulsively because you were scared, and then its bug friends from the bug mafia coming back and taking revenge on you and all of the people you love.

    12. Behaving like a right dick to a stranger acting oddly towards you and it ends up being revealed you're on a hidden camera show.

    13. Looking out of the window when it's dark and someone suddenly staring back at you from the other side...and they look...exactly like you.

    14. Someone knocking at your door late at night and it being the police coming to arrest you for those sweets you stole when you were seven.

    15. Wearing something you recently bought in the same store you happen to be browsing in and the manager accusing you of stealing it, so having to shout "CHECK THE CCTV!". But get this, they forgot to record that day.

    16. Going on a date with someone, really connecting, only to find out AFTER YOU KISS that you're distantly related.

    17. Getting locked in your bathroom while your flatmate is away and having to live off coconut oil until Monday when work realises you've not shown up.

    18. Playing out a really sexy fantasy in your head while you're bored, getting a little too into it and accidentally shouting "OH MY GOD YES I'M COMING!" in the middle of a colleague's presentation.

    19. Napping in front of someone, having a very vivid sex dream, and waking up to find you've been moaning hysterically in your sleep.

    20. Picking a crusty bogey out of your nose while in a waiting room only to find out the mirror you did it in front of is actually one of those you get at the police station, and that a bunch of people on the other side have been watching you the entire time.

    21. Wearing out what you thought was a really cool outfit, then finding out on Twitter that you've become a viral meme.

    22. Googling yourself and finding out that people from your past have reviewed your friendship online and you only have 2.5 stars.

    23. Or that someone has used a pic of you for a hemorrhoid cream testimonial.

    24. Running late and telling your friend you're on your way, but somehow them accessing your geolocation and texting back saying they know you're still in the bath.

    25. Having a complete brain fart while sexting and accidentally sending pure filth to one of your parents.

    26. Going to the toilet on a plane and the turbulence knocking you against the door, unlocking it, and making you fall out in front of everyone with your poo-covered bum hanging out.

    27. Lying in bed with one of your feet out, and a man grabbing it from under the bed even though you know there is no room for a human being to logically fit underneath it.

    28. Spelling out something on the phone to a customer services person, not being able to remember the phonetic alphabet, and so saying something inappropriate instead like "B for bumhole".

    29. Getting ready for work as usual, having your coffee, then walking out the door and half way down the street until you realise you completely forgot to put on trousers.

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