34 Weird Little Things Everyone Does When They're Alone
Fart really loudly and say "WHOA THAT WAS A BIG ONE" to yourself.
1. Talk to yourself as you do things around the house.
2. Peer into every room for no reason at all, even your housemate's.
3. Practice a bit of your "breakdancing".
4. Check random cupboards to see if anyone happens to be hiding there.
5. Even tiny, tiny gaps where it wouldn't be physically possible.
6. Look in the mirror and practice poses as if you're modelling for a top fashion photographer.
7. Then get naked and inspect yourself in the mirror, especially from behind.
8. Practice your singing at top volume to test if you can really sing.
9. Realise you can't, but fantasise about winning a singing competition anyway.
10. Talk to yourself like you're being interviewed.
11. Put on music and make up a really bad dance routine.
12. Imagine that dance routine getting you into the finals of a national talent show.
13. Have a fake argument in your head and practice how you would shut the other person down.
14. And then storm off dramatically, hitting your knee against the corner of the table as you do so.
15. Scream "OWWWW MY KNEEE IT HURTSSS MUMMMYYYYY" as you rub your knee frantically.
16. Practice speaking in different accents.
17. See how ugly you can make yourself.
18. Wonder what would happen if someone saw this real version of yourself.
19. Hear the doorbell and be convinced someone is coming to kill you.
20. Or that it's your ex just randomly showing up.
21. Go for a shower and then sit in your towel at the edge of the bed for ten minutes.
22. Open your towel in front of the mirror and shake your naked body to see what wobbles.
23. Sit naked on the sofa.
24. Sit naked on the sofa while eating crisps.
25. Have a good cry for no reason.
26. Open and close the fridge 7863728 times.
27. Pick your nose and flick the lil' bogies away with your fingers.
28. Fart really loudly and say "WHOA THAT WAS A BIG ONE" to yourself.
29. Practice sex positions on your bed with a pillow.
30. Check your curtains are properly closed after you've already practiced sex positions on your pillow.
31. Realise they've not been closed and that everyone on the street has seen you.
32. Climb into bed and under the duvet and pretend you're in a faraway land.
33. Watch porn out loud on your phone.
34. Worry that the neighbours will have heard the porn and hide under your duvet again.