1. Don’t wear too much makeup, you want to look natural.
2. But not too natural! No one wants to see your real face!
3. Make sure you make intelligent conversation and show that you have opinions on things.
4. But not too many opinions!
5. Especially on politics. Do not talk about politics.
6. But make sure he knows you know who the Prime Minister is!
7. Saying something like “I once saw Theresa May OUR PRIME MINISTER in Aldi" will suffice.
8. Avoid talking about sex at all costs.
9. But make sure he knows you love having sex!
10. (But not too much)
11. Laugh at all of his jokes, even the bad ones.
12. But don’t laugh too much, you want to have an air of mystery about you.
13. Don’t have any more than two drinks.
14. But don’t drink less than that! You want to seem fun and up for a laugh!
15. Do not mention that you’ve been on other dates.
16. But mention that you go on some, you don’t want to seem like no one wants you!
17. If you’re eating, don’t order anything too large or messy. You will look like a pig.
18. But don’t order a salad! You will look picky!
19. If your date says something problematic, do not call him out on it.
20. But make sure you challenge him! Keep him on his toes!
21. Don’t be loud. You will look aggressive.
22. But don’t be quiet! Quiet is boring!
23. Make sure you offer to split the bill.
24. But do not actually pull out your credit card, you don’t want to look intimidating!
25. Wait for him to make the first move otherwise you will seem desperate.
26. But make sure your lips are approximately three centimetres away from his so he knows you’re interested.
27. When the date ends, do not text him, even if you’ve had a great night.
28. And if he texts you, never ever text him back — men need the chase!