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    Posted on Dec 20, 2017

    21 Tweets From 2017 That Made Us Say "Why Am I Even Laughing?"

    "Rat is short for... Ratthew."

    1.

    [pronounces testosterone like macaroni]

    2.

    U know how In a box of chocolates there's always one disgusting one? That was my idea, I came up w that. "Put a gross one in there" I said

    3.

    Me answering the door at a party because I’m the least fucked up

    4.

    *at my funeral* Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets

    5.

    [shoving glitter glue and felt pens back into my bag, visibly upset] ok look all I'm saying is maybe you guys shoul… https://t.co/ebkKuV9nFx

    6.

    Are them instagram polls anonymous or not cause av been voting on whether or not lasses should get sparkly nails

    7.

    RIP cat who thought sunglasses would stop Medusa

    8.

    ME WHEN A NORMAL BUG IS ON ME: Eww. ME WHEN A LADYBUG IS ON ME: Evening, Ma'am.

    9.

    doctor: show me where it hurts me: look at this text where she says despacito isn't the song of the summer

    10.

    [in the car & my wife turns up the radio] Wife: it's our song Son: you & dad made a song? Me: no, we listen to this song when we fuck

    11.

    12.

    BARISTA: I have a latte ready for "Give me all your money?" ROBBER: Oh goodness, this is so embarrassing, I see there's been some confusion

    13.

    I dead ass ate pineapples for a month and this boy told me my pussy tasted like cheetos sooo y'all lying out here

    14.

    My girlfriend's been at a baby shower for like 3 hours that baby's gotta be so fucking clean by now what the fuck are they even doing

    15.

    Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.

    16.

    wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife

    17.

    one time some friends and I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread to make it a "cornbed" so… https://t.co/f4IM3DjdYb

    18.

    *sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife* Hello Karen. Maybe you'd like to tell me who used all my essential oils

    19.

    Karen from accounting thinks I hate all birds because she caught me yelling at a bird but the truth is I only hate one specific bird

    20.

    me: what do u mean my friend cant come in bouncer: theres no way hes 21 me: but- stuart little: dude its fine lets just go

    21.

    wife: I am having an affair me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well

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