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    19 Tweets That Won't Be Funny To Anyone Under 30

    "Age 20: Ran every day. Age 25: Exercised once a week. Age 31: Pulled a muscle walking to the fridge."


    [1987] Me: Tell me my future. Psychic: You'll have a phone that costs $800. M: So I'm rich? P: *a laugh escapes from her nostrils* Nope.


    20s: Rage Against The Machine 30s: Rage Against Literally Everything


    ME [as a kid]: i won't be a grumpy old man ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*


    My workout schedule: Age 20: Ran every day. Age 25: Exercised once a week. Age 31: Pulled a muscle walking to the fridge.



    [at a party] Me: *over the music* DO YOU HAVE A RECYCLING BIN?


    ME: [walking down the street clearly counting with my fingers] WIFE: you could just- ME: I'm not paying for another Fitbit, Jenn


    13: When will I know I'm an adult? Me: When you have a favorite spatula.


    Them: You need to listen to your body more. Body: You're old. And you want pizza.


    SON: Dad, how did you spend your 30's? ME: Well *puts arm around son* I went on a website where we all hated each other & told awful jokes.



    Me after saying no to mimosas at brunch once


    My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn't take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me


    Me in my 20's: *dresses like I'm on the catwalk* Me in my 30's: *dresses like I walk cats*


    [first glass of wine] mmm nice. let's listen to jazz [second glass of wine] *struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof


    As a kid I thought a lot about growing up, getting a job and having kids, but not this job and certainly not these kids.


    Your 20s: I will strive for goodness and peace in this troubled world. Your 40s: Every single chair is terrible.


    Swear to god I think I spend half my life walking from one end of this house to the other because I forget shit.


    When you finally accept who you really are.

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