For the uninitiated and blessedly ignorant, Tinder is an app that allows you to meet single people in your area, and – if you discover any mutual attractions – engage them in riveting conversation.
Due to the combined effects of my masochism and a slow news day, I decided to create a Tinder account and troll every man who indicated any interest in me by sending them Honey Singh lyrics.
Predictably, there was some confusion.
And, unsurprisingly, there were hints of of skepticism.
But, for the most part, Honey Singh was much less of a cock-block than I expected.
Some recognized the game I was playing and happily played along.
Not to be outdone, this champion decided to freestyle rap a verse of his own.
Another overachiever, this gentleman saw my nonsense speak as a challenge to be even less coherent.
In fact, some men even opened up to Yo Yo / me. Like this man who may or may not have confessed to alcoholism.
And some got cozy. Like this guy, who invited himself over for some casual adventure sports.
This dude probably skipped lunch and was craving cookies and Peppy.
I found this well-mannered bloke who had something nice to say despite my word vom.
And I found this Sherlock Holmes / Inspector Daya.
I found a non-drug-user who was astonishingly unfazed by my "smoke me up" opener.
And I found this supportive but eventually disinterested non-hip-hop fan.
Of course, I found one maybe-possibly-coulda-been-woulda-been stalker. *Unmatch*
But my favourite of all the very wonderful and eligible bachelors I swiped right to was this man, who knew to GTFO ASAP when faced with an idiot (me).
All in all, I learned that Bombay's single straight male population is kind, accepting, and mostly non-creepy, even to ostensible lunatics.
And then I deleted my account and the app itself. So carry on mingling, dudes! You're safe... For now.
