This Lorde Parody Hilariously Captures What It’s Like To Be In Your Thirties

“Growing old is so unfair, I just found a gray pubic hair.”

1. This “Royals” parody, re-imagined for thirtysomethings, was created by LA-based aspiring comedienne Molly Dworsky.

2. Here are the lyrics in full:

If this is life, I’m unimpressed
Adulthood’s nothing like the tales in the movies
I’ve got stretch marks and saggy breasts
Seven extra pounds, and I’m full of envy

Cuz every song’s, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde’s a millionaire at seventeen

And everybody’s got kids, a mortgage, real responsibility
Neck pain, diets, “hot chicks” were born after me
So unfair, I have to pay for my own health care

And we used to be Royals
How was that 10 years ago?
Seems like yesterday 2004
I wish I had another go

If I could be a high schooler
I could be the prom queen
And baby I’d rule (I’d rule) high school
Let me live that fantasy

My friends and I can tell we’re old
We count our dollars in our IRA while you party
And once we’re in our comfy clothes
We watch YouTube clips
Eat chips and feel self-pity

Cuz every song’s, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde’s a millionaire at seventeen

And everybody’s got kids, a mortgage, real responsibility
Neck pain, diets, “hot chicks” were born after me
So unfair, being carded is getting rare

And we used to be Royals
How was that 10 years ago?
Seems like yesterday 2004
I wish had another go

If I could be a high schooler
I could be the prom queen
And baby I’d rule (I’d rule) high school
Let me live that fantasy

Woah,
So old
Woah

We’re not where we thought we’d be
I miss the days of JTT
Growing old is so unfair
I just found a gray pubic hair.

4. H/t Vvv.

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