1.
Facebook album name: "Dandiya Nite 2012 <3", Realtistic album name: "Backless choli poses in 317 angles"
2.
Always a relief when you get your period & realize you're not in fact pregnant WITH SADNESS
3.
attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for "hours". thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i've got a lasagne cookin
4.
*Uber driver reaches girlfriend's elbow* Uber Driver: Haanji main clitoris pe aa gaya hoon.
5.
You vs the girl he tells you not to worry about
6.
If ever there's a dinosaur on the loose destroying the Taj Mahal people will still stare at the girl smoking on the sidewalk.
7.
Sometimes I charge my phone up to 98% and unplug it bcz why should I be the only one who didn't have the orgasm
8.
Somebody please write a book on Indian culture ASAP because I don't know what to wear and where not to go alone anymore.
9.
Lady saw my tattoo and asked me "dard nahi hua tha?", so I looked at her kid and asked the same thing.
10.
If you sucked my titties you can never talk shit about me I'm your mom now respect me
11.
Its really cute how girls only mention their age in their bio till they're 19. After that, its all 'voracious reader' & 'dog lover'.
12.
Hey boy, are you a software update? Because not now
13.
is this about sucking dick
14.
*Going through my contact list* Dad: Beta, yeh jo Tinder surname waale hai matlab woh kaunsi caste ke hote hai?
15.
My biggest worry when I'm flirting with a boy is that he's going to die & our text messages are going to be on the news.
16.
(late 20s & living w parents) me: mom we r out of eggs so i am going out to buy some mom: soon u will b out of eggs that cannot be bought
17.
I like to sit on my hand until it goes numb so it feels like someone else is liking my Instagram photos
18.
When he finally finds your g-spot
19.
Guy: hey your bra strap is showing Same guy: *pulls dick out to pee on the road*
20.
Wanted to go out on a romantic dinner date with boyfriend. Can you suggest some nice boyfriend?
21.
i call my vagina 'pomegranate' because dudes don't know how to eat it
22.
I call my vagina "New Yorker cartoon" because it's dry and a handful of people have laughed at it
23.
Met some hot singles in the ICICI Bank queue. Thank you Modiji. 😘
24.
I wear short skirts to attract male attention but also to give my turds easy and direct access to the ground
25.
Oh baby make me scream harder *burns a hole in her Zara dress*
26.
Used so much Fair&Lovely on my face that now I can't even walk down the street without winning sports tournaments or getting job offers.
27.
Funniest is when a female character in a saas-bahu serial says "Mai tayyaar hoke aati hoon" Behen, aur tayyar hogi toh yudh pe jaana padega
28.
Sex with me is like a rollercoaster: you scream, your hair gets messed up, there are dizzying highs and lows, someone peed in the rear
29.
Guy: Your boobs are amazing. Me: Thanks, I grew them myself.
30.
Always appreciate Indian female ghosts. They spend entire day washing their saree to get that perfect whiteness and wear it in the night.
31.
Fifty Shades of Grey is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was from Delhi, it would be a Crime Patrol episode.
32.
My ass could break the Internet too. I just have to sit on the router. #BreakTheInternet
33.
Find someone who looks at you the way Arnab looks at Modi.
34.
Behind every successful woman are her parents... wondering why she hasn't found someone yet and when she plans on getting married.
35.
Whenever my parents ask about marriage I become a govt officer and sit over the proposal for days for no reason
36.
*one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!
37.
Girls are given teddy bears to psychologically train them to like their short, fat and hairy husbands in future.
38.
So when Aladdin rubs something and gets rich it's a fairy tale but when other girls do it it's prostitution?
39.
It is quite okay to be a dick if everyone around you sucks.
40.
Honey, you can't stop me. Even my sanitary pad has wings.
41.
A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, "Your technique is flawless."
42.
My mother lands Sunday night, which means I have 48 hours to clean my apartment, lose 10 pounds, and write a New York Times bestseller.
43.
Turns out I've been wearing the wrong sized bra!!! I should have been wearing one that was much bigger and had no straps and is pajamas
44.
Man: I'll never date a feminist Feminists: True
45.
Damn boy, are you a bra? Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you
46.
your early 20s vs your late 20s
47.
*during sex* him: fuck. ur tight me: thanks. ur pretty cool too
48.
*having sex* boy: did you cum yet girl: not yet boy: *does nothing* how about now? girl: sure boy: sweet
49.
Me: I'm only meeting him to chill Me to me: shave your pussy just incase
50.
Age 15: One day I'll date a hot and rich guy Age 21: One day I'll date a hot guy Age 25: One day I'll date a guy Age 29: Bhaad mein jao sab