Mostly I love Lili because she paid me to sign a contract dictating that I express my love for her, both verbally and physically, at least twice daily, under penalty of law, and she's violently threatened me a number of times for failing to live up to my terms. If it wasn't for the contract, to be honest, I probably wouldn't even know who she was, and might even be better for it.
But I GUESS, if you had to FORCE ME TO SAY IT, I also love Lili because she's nice and friendly and she always thinks of everyone else before herself (except when she wants McDonalds). Also, one time, she made me a very nice plastic cup with pictures of Beyoncé on it and it was one of the nicest things anyone's ever made me, which is COOL, I GUESS. Also, she would always go with me to things and now I guess I'll just have to wander aimlessly until some kind stranger offers me a mimosa or a waffle or something to help me forget the pain.
I'll miss having Lili around to tell me secrets and to give me chocolate cake and to rub my feet after a long day at the office. I'll miss people thinking that we are secretly engaged, even though she doesn't have six-pack abs or a penis, which are necessary requirements in a Matt Bellassai courtship. I'll miss telling her that her life is thoroughly devoid of taste and culture because she can only name like three Beyoncé songs and has never once listened to "Let It Go." And mostly, I'll miss how much she inspired us to be more fun and outgoing and generally better at life.
But I refuse to be sad, because I know Lili's obsessive personality will continue to plague our lives from across the country.
LUB YOU BITCH.