No, A Woman Did Not Get Served Semen At McDonald's And Then Contract Herpes From Eating It

So. Many. Questions.

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The gist of it is: 31-year-old Lisa McDowell found an abnormal clump of mayonnaise in the McChicken Sandwich served to her at her local McDonald's in Michigan.

Via en.wikipedia.org

^ Inordinate amount of "mayonnaise" photoshopped into McChicken Sandwich by BuzzFeed's Matt Bellassai.

And, from her own life experiences, she recognized the texture as being that of semen.

reactiongifs.com

"On Birthdays and holidays I give my man a little something extra in the bedroom, you know? So when I licked the mayo off of the bun, the texture was familiar," she reportedly said.

The story goes on to say that Lisa McDowell woke up with red rashes around her mouth in the following days, which were identified as being herpes.

Reports continue:

McDowell immediately called over the manager who denied the allegations, so she contacted the local health department.They sent the "mayo" remains off for testing and the results were positive for 2 different types of semen.

The manager confirmed that two employees were fired as a result of her allegations and the positive semen test results. The manager of the McDonald's also added, "We can't always keep an eye on our employee's conduct. We can only hope, during the interview process, that we are able to hire employees that meet our companies standards."

But THEN you see a lottttttttt of very concerned citizens from around the world:

Health Department Confirmed Semen found on McDonald’s Mayonnaise WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD

den aquinde ̄▽ ̄)@Aeracher

Health Department Confirmed Semen found on McDonald’s Mayonnaise

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD

10:22 AM - 27 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Seriously?? Semen in #McDonalds burger!!

that semen/mayo thing in McDonalds has scarred me for life

30/06@yasminannalise_

that semen/mayo thing in McDonalds has scarred me for life😩😩😩😩

10:41 AM - 27 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

SEMEN FOUND ON MCDONALD'S MAYONNAISE!!!!!! Ewwww pls herpes.

Camilla @camilletornito

SEMEN FOUND ON MCDONALD'S MAYONNAISE!!!!!! Ewwww pls 😭🙊 herpes.

5:50 AM - 27 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

solid debate happening at work over whether a woman ACTUALLY found semen in her McDonalds sandwich

Matt Bellassai@MattBellassai

solid debate happening at work over whether a woman ACTUALLY found semen in her McDonalds sandwich

12:26 PM - 27 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

The trend is older than a decade, and usually employs the exact same plot it did this time. It has targeted Olive Garden, McDonald's, and several other chains around the world.

Oh, well. Some people had the right idea all along:

CAN WE STOP IT WITH THE SEMEN SHIT IN MCDONALD'S? IT IS FAKE. SERIOUSLY. DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE SPREADING STUPID CRAP LIKE THAT. : |

Akmal Subki@nosrslystfu

CAN WE STOP IT WITH THE SEMEN SHIT IN MCDONALD'S? IT IS FAKE. SERIOUSLY. DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE SPREADING STUPID CRAP LIKE THAT. : |

6:06 AM - 27 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

And others wouldn't be fazed either way:

I'll still eat there “@arex_dugo31 So semen was found in McDonalds mayo. Disgusting fucking restaurant”

Aaron B.@_aaron93

I'll still eat there “@arex_dugo31 So semen was found in McDonalds mayo. Disgusting fucking restaurant”

6:57 PM - 27 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite