1.
Girl: Can you do a British accent? Me: Yes. Girl: Say something. Me: tum saala gulaam log meri jooti ke neeche rahega.
2.
Indian mother logic: After 1 missed call: He is busy. I'll call later. After 2 calls: Why is he so busy? After 3 calls: Oh no. He's dead.
3.
In DJ wale babu the girl nags the guy for one thing throughout and the guy tells her to chill he will do everything but never what she asks.
4.
Chetan Bhagat bibliography: "I had sex in IIT." "I had sex in IIM." "I had sex during Godhra." "Call centre sex." "Hi guys! Sex."
5.
List of unforgivable sins, according to Indian mothers: 5. Drugs 4. Theft 3. Murder 2. Premarital Sex 1. Why didn't you eat dinner at home?
6.
Marital Status Checkbox in India - 1) Single 1) Married 3) Log Kya Kahenge
7.
#PahlajNihalani is definitely the guy who prematurely ejaculates. There is no other reason to be upset by long kisses.
8.
Please dont call a vada a savoury doughnut. It's like introducing your brother as "not my sister"
9.
Adele's Hello is angrezon ka 'Sunn raha hai na tu'.
10.
Good to know a cow can now step out after dark and wear what she likes #BeefBan #MainBhiCowPlease
11.
"look, you're almost 25, it's high time you find someone who can rape you with out any legal consequence." -Indian Parents
12.
Can't imagine how bad @British_Airways service must be. They managed to do what 24 years of sledging didn't - make @sachin_rt lose his cool.
13.
Apparently Dilwale is all about SRK and Kajol posing in front of Windows 98 wallpapers.
14.
Feminists, or as normal people call them, normal people.
15.
Friend from Delhi- Wow!! Girls can travel late in Mumbai Friend from Harayana- Wow!! You have girls here
16.
Bas ek speech mein bol do..fuck pakistan..bas Dude…no Please yaar…ek toh there liye Taj Mahal saaf karaaya NO
17.
The most Indian thing about the Coldplay video is the reaction.
18.
One thing is clear from the Aamir Khan incident. We need more jobs in India.
19.
Blue doing a concert in India Blue: One looove... Audience: DHADKAN KAHE!!!! Blue: ??????????
20.
Don't understand why Star Sports advertises on Star Sports asking people watching Star Sports to watch Star Sports. #WC15
21.
On behalf of the nation of #SouthIndia we apologize to our neighbouring friendly #NorthIndia for unleashing #prabhudeva as a director on u.
22.
I wish civilian protesters and journalists would stop attacking Delhi cops by walking into their sticks and fists.
23.
Aamir Khan pushes the envelope once again by being offended by things without watching them.
24.
Every guide in Agra: This monument was covered in gold and diamonds. Me: Can't see any, What happened? Guide: British took it. Me: oh.
25.
Father's day in Delhi must be insane na? Guys with guns running around shooting & screaming Tu Jaanta Hain Mera Baap Kaun Hain??
26.
Me watching Jessica Jones; "WTF ALL CHARACTERS ARE WOMEN, THE MEN ARE EITHER BAD OR EYE CANohh. Okay. Ah. So that's what that feels like."
27.
28.
"Dude, do you smoke?" "Yes." "Do your parents know you smoke?" "Yes." "Do you smoke in front of them?" "Dude, they know I masturbate too..."
29.
Fear Factor is basically Masterchef China.
30.
If I made my jokes any cleaner, I'd have to sell it as hand sanitizer!
31.
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan in Jazbaa shows everyone what it's like for people in Mumbai when we see an empty rickshaw..
32.
The good news is that I may never tweet again.