1. The “Married Young and Are Now Real Grown-Ups”
Defining traits: While you’re still sharing an apartment with roommates, these two have a house and a dog.
Why you love them: Theirs was the first wedding you got blackout drunk and sobbed at. They are perfect for each other.
Catchphrase: “Save the date!”
2. The Wall Streeter
Defining traits: Blinking Blackberry, impeccable suit game, 100-hour work weeks and still somehow rage hardest on the weekend.
Why you love them: The hardest you’ve ever worked at anything is peanuts compared to their everyday life.
Catchphrase: “Sorry, guys, gotta go. Something came up at the office.”
3. The One Whose Parents Are “Helping Out a Bit,” Seemingly Forever
Defining traits: The nicest apartment you’ve ever seen, a very glamorous Instagram presence, and perfect grooming all the time.
Why you love them: They let you come to that nice apartment, and are as generous as they are lucky.
Catchphrase: “Hamptons this weekend?”
4. The One Teaching for America
Defining traits: Exhausted, worn out, but always have the best stories.
Why you love them: They are literally saving the world.
Catchphrase: “OMG I have to tell you. The craziest thing happened in class today.”
5. The “Finding Myself by Traveling to the Third World”
Defining traits: Very tan, loose flowy clothing, wealthy background but they’ve denounced it to live in a hut in Goa.
Why you love them: They mean well, and they’ll bring back souvenirs from Bali.
Catchphrase: “Eat, pray, love.”
7. The Vanishing Act
Defining traits: Incredibly difficult to get a hold of, no chance of responding to a text within a week, never actually “on their way!”
Why you love them: Because when they do show up, they’re fun enough that you forget all that other stuff.
Catchphrase: “Heyyyyyy, sorry I missed your call!”
8. The One with a New Significant Other Every Month
Defining traits: An unfettered faith in true love, and an admirable desire to find it.
Why you love them: It’s nice to see someone so…hopeful.
Catchphrase: “Guys, this is my girlfriend [forgettable name here]!”
9. The One Who Loves Their Job…Maybe Too Much
Defining traits: Decked out in company swag, constantly telling stories about AMAZING things that happened at the office, replacing you with work friends.
Why you love them: It’s reassuring to see that such professional fulfillment actually exists.
Catchphrase: “My boss did the funniest thing today.”
11. The Aspiring Lawyer
Defining traits: Either in law school or working as a paralegal, well-dressed but still cool, good at drinking beer and talking about life.
Why you love them: They’re loyal as all hell and can be trusted with every secret in your soul.
Catchphrase: “I’ll see you when I’m done with my reading?”
12. The Parent
Defining traits: Rumpled shirt, bags under eyes, clothes stained with some sort of baby-related fluid, constantly yawning and talking about their baby.
You love them because: They are doing the most difficult job in the world, and still find time for you. Plus: You get to play with a cute kid without having to change its diaper.
Catchphrase: “Have I shown you this picture yet?”
13. The Trendiest, Coolest Person in the World
Defining traits: Spotify full of amazing music you haven’t heard of, outfits that haven’t even hit pre-season runways yet, sunglasses that they probably stole from M.I.A., always at concerts you didn’t know were happening, nightlife that puts your dive bar scene to shame.
You love them because: Jeez, how could you not.
Catchphrase: “[Cool slang you pretend to understand but will look up on Urban Dictionary later].”
14. The Online Dating Fiend
Defining traits: Going on dates several nights a week, relentless in their pursuit of love. And other things.
Why you love them: Because it’s SO fun to vicariously live through their left-swipe-right-swipe life.
Catchphrase: “UGH I hate OkCupid” or “OMG I LOVE OkCupid,” depending on what day you catch them.
15. The Work BFF
Defining traits: Can tell when you’re having a rough day without your saying so. Goes drink-for-drink with you at post-work happy hour.
Why you love them: Because you literally would not survive your job without their constant reassurance, gossip, and companionship.
Catchphrase: “Can we get lunch yet??” [at 11 a.m.]
16. The Socialite
Defining traits: Coming to grab a drink with you between coffee with another friend and dinner with another friend. Texting for half the time anyway.
Why you love them: For the goss. And because their only mistake is loving too many people.
Catchphrase: “OMG it is SO good to SEE you!”
17. The Proud Geek
Defining traits: On the cutting edge of comic book and video game developments. They know everything about things you know nothing about.
Why you love them: Because they’re formidably intelligent and excited about the world, which is refreshing to be around.
Catchphrase: “Wanna go Geocaching?”
19. The Globetrotter
Defining traits: Every Facebook status is strings of letters and arrows letting you know that this week, they’ll be traveling from LHR —> JFK —> LAX.
Why you love them: They’re curious and adventurous and you get to live vicariously through their wanderlust.
Catchphrase: “This one time in [insert obscure country here]…”
20. The Incorrigible Pothead
Defining traits: You’ve never seen them not high or smoking. Perfectly functional all the time, and more functional when baked.
Why you love them: They’re the chillest person you know, and listen to the best music.
Catchphrase: “Puff, puff, pass.”
21. The Aspiring Musician/Artist/Actor/Filmmaker/Writer
Defining traits: Always inviting you to Facebook events for their concert/gallery opening/play/reading. They know every dollar-beer bar in your city.
Why you love them: They’re talented, they’re hardworking, and they’re brave enough to take the risk you always kinda wanted to.
Catchphrase: “You should see this new thing I’m working on.”
22. The Mature, Responsible, Put-Together Adult
Defining traits: They wear adult clothes, and they host adult parties with adult food that they cooked and adult wine that cost more than $5.
Why you love them: They’re the one taking care of you when you’re drunkenly throwing up in the toilet, or when you need help understanding your tax forms.
Catchphrase: “Yup, I’ll be there in a sec.”
23. The Party Kid
Defining traits: Always down to rage, can convince you to put on party shoes even on your laziest nights, and you always end up having the time of your life when they’re around.
Why you love them: For keeping you young.
Catchphrase: “I’m buying the next round! Shots? SHOTS!”
24. The Well-Read, Cultured, Articulate Genius
Defining traits: Rolled up New Yorker stuffed in back pocket, has a legitimate crush on a philosopher, met Malcolm Gladwell at a party once and actually recognized him.
Why you love them: For explaining the world to you when you’re too lazy to read NYT explainers.
Catchphrase: “Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote a thing about it last week.”
25. The Fuckin’ Hipster
Defining traits: Live in either Brooklyn or Portland. All their clothes are either ripped, cropped, faded, or preserved from the 1960s.
Why you love them: For being unabashedly original and introducing you to a thousand cool things you wouldn’t have found yourself.
Catchphrase: “I’ve been really into [band/author/movie/genre you haven’t heard of] lately.”
26. The Perfect Couple
Defining traits: Attached at the hip, literally always touching somehow, never seen without the other, super cool individually and doubly cool together.
Why you love them: They’re both incredible humans who somehow, in this insane world, FOUND each other. What could be more lovable than that?
Catchphrase: * Cutely hold hands under table. *
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