1. Getting a paper cut.
2. Having an itch on the underside of your foot.
3. Losing a contact lens inside your eye.
4. Telling your crush how you feel.
5. Waiting for your crush to text you back.
6. Receiving a text that says “k.”
7. Squeezing lemon juice on your paper cut.
8. Restless leg syndrome.
9. Sitting next to a baby on a plane.
10. Sitting next to a smelly person on a plane.
11. Sitting between a baby and a smelly person on a plane.
12. Watching “Eat, Pray, Love.”
13. Watching “Eat, Pray, Love” over and over again, back to back for a year.
14. Being banned from
15. Having your wisdom teeth removed.
16. Stubbing your toe.
17. Reading the entire phonebook aloud.
18. Washing someone’s dentures.
19. Smelling nailpolish remover.
20. Reaching over the side of your bed to reach your phone charger.
21. Riding an elevator that stops on every floor.
22. Riding an elevator that stops on every floor that someone just farted in.
23. Riding an elevator with your ex and needing to fart.
24. Watching a toenail removal surgery.
25. Undergoing a toenail removal surgery.
26. Reading nothing but internet comments for the rest of your life.
27. Living with a permanent wedgie.
28. Constantly needing to poop but never being able.
29. Seeing a headline that ends with “You Won’t Believe What Happens Next!”
30. And not being able to click it.
31. Being stood up.
32. Spending 24 hours in a room with teenagers.
33. Accidentally liking an Instagram your crush posted 80 weeks ago.
34. Flipping over a pillow and finding out it’s hot on the other side.
35. Folding a fitted sheet.
36. Drinking warm beer.
37. Getting a Facebook notification every minute about Candy Crush.
38. Getting kicked in the crotch every hour on the hour.
39. Having water poured on your face as soon as you fall asleep.
40. Being shat on by a bird.
41. Playing “Never Have I Ever” with your parents.
42. Being Rick Rolled.
43. Shaving someone else’s armpits.
44. Eating a moldy grilled cheese.
45. Sneezing every time someone in the world uses bad grammar.
46. Picking at a mosquito bite.
47. Having someone follow you singing Jingle Bells all year.
48. Reading Yelp reviews of every cemetery in the world.
49. Only speaking in 140 characters at a time.
50. Constantly farting. Permanently. Forever.
51. Getting an email from your boss saying “We need to talk.”
52. Getting an email from your mom saying “We need to talk.”
53. Rolling around in a bathtub full of broken eggshells.
54. Having to drive 500 miles at 10 miles per hour.
55. Living your whole life with your alarm constantly going off.
56. Getting your butt out of bed in the morning.
57. And going to work.
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- Seven Earth-sized planets that could have water and possibly sustain life have been discovered orbiting a dwarf star, NASA announced today.
- The ACLU is suing the city of Milwaukee and its police for allegedly performing thousands of illegal stop-and-frisk searches that targeted minorities.
- #Peggygate: West Elm offers full refunds for the notoriously disintegrating Peggy Couch days after pulling it from its website and stores👏