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What Your Couch Formation Says About How You Watch Basketball

The only way you really need to set up your basketball-watching experience is with Reese's and Coke Zero. Make sure to pick them up at Target.

1. The "He's Not With Us" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "Everyone is welcome to watch the games with me, except for Derrick. He needs to sit over there."

2. The "Mixed Emotions" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "Two of us are going to be a nervous wreck, but one of us is going to be sleepy."

3. The "GET OUT" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "Karen talks too much during the games, so she needs to sit far, far away."

4. The "Lone Wolf" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "I am very loud, so nobody wants to come over."

5. The "Why Are You Even Here?" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "Three of us care about this game — two of us do not."

6. The "Nosebleed" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "My doctor told me to distance myself from my love of basketball, so I did. That's what he meant, right?"

7. The "Conga Line" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "A lot of people are coming to watch the game, but I don't really know any of them."

8. The "Pillow on a Cold Hardwood Floor" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "We have children, so there is no time for basketball or sleep. Help."

9. The "I Can't Watch" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "This stuff is too stressful. Just tell me when it's over."

10. The "Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "I have to fire someone, but the game is on."

11. The "Kale in Every Meal" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "Couches and basketball are all about expressing yourself. Don't do what everyone thinks you're going to do; do what is unthinkable, man."

12. The "Welcome to the Future" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "I'm a millennial, ergo, television is meant to be streamed. Also, I can't afford couches."

13. The "Smartest Human Alive" Formation:

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WHAT IT MEANS: "I understand the art of watching sports better than anyone else on the planet."

There's only one way to get the perfect basketball-watching experience:

By setting out some Reese's and Coke Zero for your guests. Make sure to pick them up at Target, and be the hero your party deserves.