1. The "He's Not With Us" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "Everyone is welcome to watch the games with me, except for Derrick. He needs to sit over there."
2. The "Mixed Emotions" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "Two of us are going to be a nervous wreck, but one of us is going to be sleepy."
3. The "GET OUT" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "Karen talks too much during the games, so she needs to sit far, far away."
4. The "Lone Wolf" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "I am very loud, so nobody wants to come over."
5. The "Why Are You Even Here?" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "Three of us care about this game — two of us do not."
6. The "Nosebleed" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "My doctor told me to distance myself from my love of basketball, so I did. That's what he meant, right?"
7. The "Conga Line" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "A lot of people are coming to watch the game, but I don't really know any of them."
8. The "Pillow on a Cold Hardwood Floor" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "We have children, so there is no time for basketball or sleep. Help."
9. The "I Can't Watch" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "This stuff is too stressful. Just tell me when it's over."
10. The "Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "I have to fire someone, but the game is on."
11. The "Kale in Every Meal" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "Couches and basketball are all about expressing yourself. Don't do what everyone thinks you're going to do; do what is unthinkable, man."
12. The "Welcome to the Future" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "I'm a millennial, ergo, television is meant to be streamed. Also, I can't afford couches."
13. The "Smartest Human Alive" Formation:
WHAT IT MEANS: "I understand the art of watching sports better than anyone else on the planet."
There's only one way to get the perfect basketball-watching experience:
