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1. An art print for when you're on the damn grind.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $19.99+ (available in four sizes and 13 frame options).
2. A set of sweary socks so even your feet can give 'em hell.
Promising Review: "I wore these for the first time when I was traveling. I knew I would have to take my shoes off at security, but I honestly didn't think that the TSA would look that closely at my feet. Well, they do. I was standing in the body scanner and the agent directed me to step forward slightly, then exclaimed, (while I had my hands up and the scanner was going) 'Do your socks say asshole?!' I blushed so hard, but smiled and nodded. He waved me out and had me stop on the mat in order to call over another agent. He pointed at my feet and said, 'Look at her socks!' which made everyone around me look down at my feet. Two people asked me where they could find them. It was pretty awesome actually and gave everyone a laugh." —Lisa Lanigan
Get them on Amazon for $10.99 (available in 40 styles).
3. A necklace that will let everyone know just how many fucks you give... in Morse Code.
Just beware of offending old-timey telegram operators, or anyone who works on a submarine.
Get it from Erin Elizabeth Carson on Etsy for $39.75 (available in two finishes).
4. A coloring book for your inner child, if your inner child had a much wider vocabulary.
Promising Review: "I was looking for a light snack, and figured I should probably get a coloring book to go with (since people look at you funny when you plunk down a box of crayons and a bottle of Rossi). Unfortunately, the only adult coloring books I can obtain locally are of butterflies and other nonsense. THIS, however, allows me to clearly and colorfully illustrate my dislike for people in a way that no other medium quite manages." —Amazon Customer
Get it from Amazon for $5.99.
5. A pillow to kindly remind any haters to shove it, and (bonus!) make your couch way comfier.
6. A pin set so you can curse but still be classy, because anything in French is automatically fancy.
For all you non-Francophiles out there, putain literally translates to "whore" but the French use it like we use "fuck," merde means "shit" and bordel means "whorehouse" but is used like "goddamn it."
Get them from decartonetdetoiles on Etsy for $22.76.
7. A punny tote bag that'll be, like, totally fine to bring to work.
It's just a cute fox! Definitely no swearing happening here, boss.
Get it on Amazon for $13.99.
8. A piece of embroidery to hang on your wall when you're done with everyone's shit.
This is 100% what Jane Austen would have made if she were alive in 2018.
Get it from interestincolors on Etsy for $18.
9. A mug that'll clue everyone in to your internal monologue.
Who needs to say anything else in the mornings?
Get it on Amazon for $15.95.
10. A lightbox for when you want to get a little creative — with 100 character options, the possibilities are basically endless.
11. A pencil set that'll take the words right out of your mouth (or right off of the page).
Get them from Amazon for $8.99.
12. A greeting card for that special someone.
Curse (or bless; your call) just about anyone in your life with this card.
Get it from SeriousBusinessWR on Etsy for $3.99.
13. A ring I'm pretty sure you're legally only allowed to wear on your middle finger.
(Which means the person above is headed straight to jail.)
Get it from PASSIONandLOVE on Etsy for $9+ (available in eight colors and ring sizes 4-15).
14. A fridge magnet set for a household that probably doesn't have any kids.
But if you wanna go for it, feel free to create poetic works of sweary art right next to your grocery list and little Timmy's report card.
Get it from Amazon for $8.95.
15. A pouch that'll help you do... well, exactly what it says.
Keep pens, pencils, erasers, basically all of your shit (just not the literal kind) together in this handy bag (which reads "Keep your shit together," for anyone struggling to read the ~fancy~ font).
Get it from Amazon for $12.95.
16. A shirt for when people might need a reminder about basic goddamn human decency.
Get it from Nasty Gal for $18 (available in sizes S-L).
17. A bath bomb that will help soak away all your fuckin' worries.
In addition to a soothing lavender scent, this fizzy bomb also comes with a secret message inside.
Get it from Amazon for $4.99.
18. A coaster set for when you need to remind guests that you don't fuck around when it comes to your furniture.
Promising Review: "I laughed out loud when I first saw this coaster set. Pretty much says everything you need a coaster to say. These are a great way to encourage your guests to use a coaster without feeling like you are being a snob. If you're having friends over at your place and they put their drink on the table without using a coaster, just hand them one of these. They will probably laugh instead of feeling embarrassed — and your table will still look great." —Laurie Williamson
Get them on Amazon for $15.99.
19. A hat that'll broadcast your love for ass, but subtly.
Your grandma might assume you're really into summer fruit, but everyone in the know will know.
Get it from PrfctoLifestyle on Etsy for $15.99 (available in 30 colors).
You, decked out in everything on this list:
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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