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I'm Worried No One Remembers How Good Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp Was

Although the third installment of the "Wet Hot American Summer" franchise, "Ten Years Later," recently debuted on Netflix, I'm troubled by the possibility that no one remembers how amazing the second iteration was. "Ten Years Later" was fine, I guess, but it didn't have nearly the same amount of cameos, magic or chemistry as "First Day of Camp" did. And so I invite you all to take a trip down memory lane to that time, all those years ago in the '80s, on the day that camp started and everyone definitely looked their age. And be aware that spoilers lie ahead!

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Paul Rudd is at his best in "First Day of Camp" as resident Bad Boy Andy.

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"Smells weird. Who beefed?"

And man, does he know how to woo women: with physical displays of strength...

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Is it just me, or does he look even better now than he did in the movie?

...and waxing eloquent about flatulence.

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"I'll fart my way into that snatch, just you watch."

The sexual tension between Susie and Ben, however, is tepid at best.

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"There are a lot of people asking whether or not Ben and I are still a couple.... And the answer is, 'Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!'"

And then there are other old (I mean...new and also very young) favorites, like Elizabeth Banks as Lindsay.

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She plays a journalist masquerading as a teen to get the inside scoop on Camp Firewood.

We also get to meet H. Jon Benjamin's Mitch in the flesh before he gets canned (heh, get it?).

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Netflix / Via giphy.com

This is one of my favorite things about "First Day of Camp"—just how obviously ancient all of the actors are. And no one plays that immaturity better than Ken Marino and Joe Lo Truglio.

Marino's Victor is in denial about his virginity and passes the time by making prank phone calls...

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"Only we're talking about extra thick dicks."

...and aggressively thrusting his pelvis.

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Don't worry, Vic. You and your tiny jorts will overcome your sexual hurdle...in ten years.

I still can't decide who my new favorite cast addition is because they're all so great.

Is it co-creator David Wain's sensual, baton-twirling Israeli character, Yaron?

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"You will be our turd."

Lake Bell's free-flowing Donna?

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She thinks Coop looks "rad" in his puka shell necklace!

John Early's character, Logan?

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He's 16 years old, he's from Tarrytown, New York, his favorite musical is Annie, his favorite season winter, and his favorite actor is, of course, the great Ben Vereen.

Kristen Wiig's Courtney, who is horny for everyday objects?!

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Netflix / Via giphy.com

Josh Charles and his not one, not two, but THREE popped collars?

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Netflix / Via giphy.com

I think about his stiff, sudden dance moves almost every day.

What about Thomas Barbusca as camp bully Drew?

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Every time I hear anything about Westchester, I mentally salute its burp king.

And then there are the ad men of Madison Avenue: Jon Hamm as The Falcon, President Reagan's hired assassin...

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Maybe this is what he's really up to when he doesn't come home to Betty and the kids at night?

...John Slattery as the predatory theater burnout Claude Dumet...

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"That may have seemed just like light entertainment, but in the business we call show, that is what's known as mask work."

...and Rich Sommer, as a Camp Tigerclaw sidekick named Graham.

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No, none of those will do. My favorite cast addition has to be Chris Pine's injured rock star character, Eric. Nothing else will satisfy me.

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"Genius is a curse, Lindsay. I've got all this poetry inside of me, but it's all locked up. My music is in a prison of my own making."

We are also privy to several origin stories in "WHAS: First Day of Camp," tying everything into a messy, incongruent bow.

Like how Mitch becomes a can of vegetables.

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Stay away from toxic waste, Mitch!

We also meet Christopher Meloni as Jonas Jurgenson...

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"I love tomatoes! I slice them every day."

...who is at first a harmless, lovestruck chef...

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"Gail and I met at a singles disco mixer at the Portsmouth Marriott. And when I saw this little lady's electric slide, well I was a goner."

...but we soon find out how he became Gene Jenkinson—the food-randy chef he is in the original movie.

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If only he and Gail had worked out!

We also get the inside scoop on McKinley and Ben falling in love.

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The power of the zoot suit!

Not to mention how The Beekeeper starts his show in Camp Firewood's "state-of-the-art ten-watt FM radio broadcasting facility."

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"My dick is a state-of-the-art broadcast facility."

And how Abby Bernstein blooms into adulthood in mere seconds.

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"Abby Bernstein, I do believe you've just become a woman."

We even get the history behind "Higher and Higher," which scores the 2001 film.

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"We are not Camp Firewood or Camp Tigerclaw. We are all camp people!"

And the cameos! Oh, the cameos!

There's Michaela Watkins as a New York choreographer who teaches the campers to hip thrust.

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I could watch her tap cigarette ash into her bodega coffee and then hesitantly drink it all day.

Michael Cera as an inexperienced lawyer named Jim Stansel (You know Jim? He's that guy).

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Down at the courthouse they call him Johnny Piss Pot.

DJ Ski Mask, who is absolutely played by Bradley Cooper because his schedule definitely allowed him to be on set for more than a day.

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Netflix / Via giphy.com

Weird "Al" Yankovic as hypnotist Jackie Brazen.

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OR IS IT?!

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I love that this weird, robot theme is carried over into "Ten Years Later."

Jordan Peele, as Lindsay's Rock & Roll World editor.

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Netflix / Via giphy.com

"I'lll be damned."

"She really does look like she's 16."

But despite the show's all-star cast, the counselors themselves are pretty shitty at their jobs.

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Except maybe Coop.

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Miss Patty Pancakes is a great friend.

And although Susie is a deranged, theater-obsessed lunatic...

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...they're still able to put on a kickass musical in a single day.

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"'Electro/City' is such a cruel place to live!"

And we're all having fun.

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So if you're less-than-impressed by "WHAS: Ten Years Later," fire up the second installment instead.

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