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    Why Pollen Is The Worst

    It's nature's version of glitter, except not as pretty and twice as problematic.

    Winter is gone. It's warming up, and everything is turning green. Flowers are blooming, bees are buzzing, and birds are chirping. All is well in the world.

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    Looks like a perfect place for a snowman to burst into song.

    Until that fateful morning comes. Everyone who has a grove of pine trees in their yards knows exactly what morning I am talking about. The night before, the world outside was beautiful and clean. When you wake up, though, hell awaits.

    Joe & Nancy / Via

    Pollen. Pollen everywhere.

    The pine trees had a conference on that last night of beauty and decided that the next day would be the day they would ruin your life for the foreseeable future. They sprayed their yellow reproductive leftovers all over everything you love (and everything you didn't).

    Madhupa Maypop / Via

    Pine trees are dicks.

    If you wear a lot of dark colored clothes and shoes, pollen loves you. It is like that clingy girlfriend that won't go away. It clings to your shoes, your shirts, anything it can get its stupid crap on. Oh, and for the love of all that is holy, do not sit down on any outside objects. It saves you a lot of awkward stares.

    If that's not enough, the laws of nature decided that pollen should also personally victimize everyone who has allergies. Spring is supposed to be beautiful! No one should be a sneezing, snotty, teary eyed mess during this beautiful time of the year. It's just cruel.

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    How am I supposed to catch the bouquet in this crap?

    So, you find yourself praying to God, asking him to flood the earth again if he has to, just take this satanic pollen away. Once God fails to deliever, you begin considering making a deal with Satan, before remembering that if there's anything an episode of Supernatural has taught you, it's that you wouldn't last a moment in hell.

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    It wouldn't work, anyway.

    Soon, but not soon enough, the rain does come, and it's beautiful. The pollen is coming off of everything in beautiful, yellow streams. It's coming off your car, your house, and that stray dog that comes around sometimes. Sure, the yard is getting muddy, but who cares? That pine tree crap is getting the hell out, and natural order is getting restored. Allergies can soon sorted out, cars and affected clothing can washed, and springtime can be enjoyable once more.

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    Fun Fact: the person who took this photo thinks pollen is awesome. She also doesn't have allergies, which I'm sure has absolutely nothing to do with her opinion, I say sarcastically (as I sneeze three times in a row).

    Oh, crap. Was that a tornado warning?