“She says that she is ivory skinned, which is not something I’ve ever heard a teenager say.”
“The next day was better. And worse.”
The best part of this is the Levitra pen demo at the beginning.
“Who the f*ck is Lauren?”
“How do you eat breakfast cheerily?”
“If you’ve just joining us what’s happened so far is that a forgettable protagonist has a crush on a boy who’s a vampire and a recent summary is that she’s going shopping with some girls.”
“And what happens is, they put the film on and turn the lights on and Bella is like ‘Holy sh*t, I’m in the dark with Edward Cullen’ …and she just gets horny.”
“There’s a subplot in which Bella is making a sandwich and quite a lot of the chapter is dedicated to that.”
“I wonder how many people have masturbated to this chapter…”
In which Edward stalks and threatens Bella…with love!
“Now we’ve had this problem a few times with Stephanie Meyer + science = wrong…”
Chapter 17 - 18
In which Alex tests his theory that a chapter can be skipped and the book will still make sense. (It does.)
“So apparently it’s not just Edward. Bella is like catnip for vampires.” Also, the most romantic kiss ever described in literature.
“Do you remember Jacob? He was in the book earlier — he was just a normal guy. I think she should get with him. Cuz he’s just a normal guy.”
That’s all for now. Subscribe to Alex’s YouTube channel to be updated when he reads the next chapter.
This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!
- South Korean President Park Geun-hye has apologized for negligence after lawmakers impeached her over a corruption scandal.
- Donald Trump will remain an executive producer on NBC's "The Celebrity Apprentice" while he's president.
- More than 1,000 Russian athletes — including four gold medalists — have been involved in a doping conspiracy, a new report says.
- Uber finally laid out hard rules for riders: No guns, sex, or barfing, please 🚗❌
Report an Issue
Drag to highlight one or more parts of the screen.
We got your feedback, and we'll follow up with you at