32 Awesomely Crappy Events That Happen To Nearly Every College Graduate

Graduating college can be a scary time, which is why you have to be ready for anything that can happen.

1. You’ll Probably Start By Moving to a New City

2. Then You’ll Realize a Salary Position is More Important than Your Dreams

3. Your Alcohol Tolerance Becomes Nearly Nonexistent

4. When You Do Drink, It’s only on Fridays

Your Weekly Drinking Schedule:
Monday - Nope
Tuesday - Nada
Wednesday - Maybe?
Thursday - Yoga or something grown up.
Friday - Blackout
Saturday - Sunday - Recover.

5. You’ll Get Fat From a Desk Job, But Will Still Believe In Your Athletic Abilities.

6. So You’ll Quit Fast Foods and Go on a Diet

7. And Eventually Quit the Diet and Go Back to Fast Foods

8. You Have To Pretend to be Excited at Weddings and Baby Showers

9. You’ll Fight Your Family Over the Fact You Haven’t Been to Church in 5 Years

10. … They’ll Also Remind You that You Aren’t Married

11. Then You’ll Realize Your College Pickup Lines No Longer Work

12. Friends Will Force You to Go on Dates Even Though You Know It Won’t Work

13. So You’ll Freaking Join an Online Dating Site

14. You’ll Still Have Nightmares About Missing Exams or Homework

15. Eventually You’ll Get a Job and Get Your First Paycheck

16. And You’ll Buy Your First Car …

17. Then You’ll Get Your First Student Loan Bill

18. And You’ll Feel Like This Every Payday

19. You’ll Probably Get a Puppy and It Will Be Pretty Awesome For 2 Months

But then it will Grow Up and be an Idiot

20. Or You’ll Just Get a Cat to Kill the Loneliness

21. You’ll Become Annoyed By Friends Staying Over for the Weekend

22. Navigating Your Alma Mater Will Feel Like This

And You Feel Like Saying this to Everyone at Your Alma Mater

23. Eventually All Your Friends Will Get Married

And Sometimes It Will Get On Your Nerves …

24. But Then You’ll Realize Not Being Married or Having Kids Isn’t That Bad

25. At One Point You’ll Get Some Hobbies

26. And You’ll Go To Clubs By Yourself

But Then You Get Used to It.

27. House Music and Trance Will Sound Crappy

28. Your Own Toilet Will Become Your Sanctuary

29. And You’ll Feel Like This On Your Own Bed

30. Monday Mornings Won’t Be Like They Were in College

31. But This is How You’ll Feel Waiting for 5PM

32. At One Point, The Real World Will Make You Want to Go Back

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