1. You'll Probably Start By Moving to a New City
2. Then You'll Realize a Salary Position is More Important than Your Dreams
3. Your Alcohol Tolerance Becomes Nearly Nonexistent
4. When You Do Drink, It's only on Fridays
5. You'll Get Fat From a Desk Job, But Will Still Believe In Your Athletic Abilities.
6. So You'll Quit Fast Foods and Go on a Diet
7. And Eventually Quit the Diet and Go Back to Fast Foods
8. You Have To Pretend to be Excited at Weddings and Baby Showers
9. You'll Fight Your Family Over the Fact You Haven't Been to Church in 5 Years
10. . . . They'll Also Remind You that You Aren't Married
11. Then You'll Realize Your College Pickup Lines No Longer Work
12. Friends Will Force You to Go on Dates Even Though You Know It Won't Work
13. So You'll Freaking Join an Online Dating Site
14. You'll Still Have Nightmares About Missing Exams or Homework
15. Eventually You'll Get a Job and Get Your First Paycheck
16. And You'll Buy Your First Car . . .
17. Then You'll Get Your First Student Loan Bill
18. And You'll Feel Like This Every Payday
19. You'll Probably Get a Puppy and It Will Be Pretty Awesome For 2 Months
But then it will Grow Up and be an Idiot
20. Or You'll Just Get a Cat to Kill the Loneliness
21. You'll Become Annoyed By Friends Staying Over for the Weekend
22. Navigating Your Alma Mater Will Feel Like This
And You Feel Like Saying this to Everyone at Your Alma Mater
23. Eventually All Your Friends Will Get Married
And Sometimes It Will Get On Your Nerves . . .
24. But Then You'll Realize Not Being Married or Having Kids Isn't That Bad
25. At One Point You'll Get Some Hobbies
26. And You'll Go To Clubs By Yourself
But Then You Get Used to It.
27. House Music and Trance Will Sound Crappy
28. Your Own Toilet Will Become Your Sanctuary
29. And You'll Feel Like This On Your Own Bed
30. Monday Mornings Won't Be Like They Were in College
31. But This is How You'll Feel Waiting for 5PM
32. At One Point, The Real World Will Make You Want to Go Back
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