29 Signs You Work For A Corporation

Boiling the ocean is easy when you leverage subject matter experts. But only if they have enough bandwidth.

1. You dread the awkward elevator conversations every morning

2. Your calendar looks like this

3. So you create fake meetings where you can actually get shit done

4. No one says “Hi” to each other

5. And the only person you’ve had meaningful conversations with is the cleaning lady

6. You hide in the bathroom when you need a break from pretending to work

7. You’re nice to the IT guy even though he’s a jerk

8. The free coffee sucks but is crucial for survival

9. You shamelessly eat leftover scraps from other people’s meetings

10. And always eat lunch at your desk. Alone.

11. You have at least one “Reply All” regret

12. You have a new boss every two months who has no idea what you do

13. But you don’t know what they do either

14. To kill time, you’ve played mindless games, like counting how many times you blink per minute

15. You can’t believe that faxing stuff is still a thing

16. Remote workers basically don’t exist

17. Team-building offsites are just an excuse to drink

18. Your work contributes to the team, which contributes to the company, which contributes to absolutely nothing

19. You are allowed to wear khakis on casual Fridays

20. It’s too late to ask what that guy’s name is again without looking like a douche

21. You can’t explain what certain people do

22. You pretend that you’re great at excel but secretly suck at it

23. Like high school, you form small cliques and talk smack about the other cliques

24. 5:00 meetings on a Friday happen regularly to accommodate other time zones

25. You move workspaces on a monthly basis

26. Three people make all of the decisions

27. You sometimes leave at 3:00 and no one notices

28. You spend 80% of your time working on “decks”

29. And most of all, you are fluent at office speak

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