1.
You dread the awkward elevator conversations every morning
2.
Your calendar looks like this
3.
So you create fake meetings where you can actually get shit done
4.
No one says "Hi" to each other
5.
And the only person you've had meaningful conversations with is the cleaning lady
6.
You hide in the bathroom when you need a break from pretending to work
7.
You're nice to the IT guy even though he's a jerk
8.
The free coffee sucks but is crucial for survival
9.
You shamelessly eat leftover scraps from other people's meetings
10.
And always eat lunch at your desk. Alone.
11.
You have at least one "Reply All" regret
12.
You have a new boss every two months who has no idea what you do
13.
But you don't know what they do either
14.
To kill time, you've played mindless games, like counting how many times you blink per minute
15.
You can't believe that faxing stuff is still a thing
16.
Remote workers basically don't exist
17.
Team-building offsites are just an excuse to drink
18.
Your work contributes to the team, which contributes to the company, which contributes to absolutely nothing
19.
You are allowed to wear khakis on casual Fridays
20.
It's too late to ask what that guy's name is again without looking like a douche
21.
You can't explain what certain people do
22.
You pretend that you're great at excel but secretly suck at it
23.
Like high school, you form small cliques and talk smack about the other cliques
24.
5:00 meetings on a Friday happen regularly to accommodate other time zones
25.
You move workspaces on a monthly basis
26.
Three people make all of the decisions
27.
You sometimes leave at 3:00 and no one notices
28.
You spend 80% of your time working on "decks"
29.
And most of all, you are fluent at office speak