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The X-Files Blew It

Sure Scully and Mulder were good at bothering a shadowy government, but they let a lot of monsters get away.

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So I went through all of the times Mulder and Scully experienced some crazy stuff and a lot of the time, they let it go.

All of these episodes are "monster-of-the-week" episodes and do not explore the bigger mythology of aliens colonizing Earth with black oil... or something.

I got this idea by listening to the "X-Files Files" podcast with Kumail Nanjiani. It is very good, but be warned - it gets you really amped to rewatch the show.

Also, spoilers on a 20 year old show.

2. Ghost in the Machine

Evil computer takes over a building. It's shut down but at the end of the episode is turned on again. Because of course it is. Because it's a sentient computer who wants to kill people. Why is it even felt put together? Pull all the wires and let it die.

3. Eve

Murderous clones are locked away. However their guard is a fellow clone... so they're as good as free. Eh, they look well adjusted. This will end well. They've just killed several people and have a telepathic link. They're also super smart and essentially an army... eh.

4. Fire

A lunatic can start and control fire. He's just simply left in a medical facility. That's it. He can control fire and he is a psychopath. He kills several people, but has a dreamy accent. So, let's just let him heal up and give him a second, third, seventieth chance!

12. Humbug

A underdeveloped conjoined twin gets upset with his brother and violently tries to find a new bro. But he's small so no need to find him. And look at that thing. Do you wanna go searching for him? I guess not. Alright, next town!

18. Home

Two members of the Peacock family (the eldest son and the quadruple amputee mother) escape to continue to be an inbred murderous family elsewhere. Several people are dead in this town. But it was raining when the two inbred people drove off. No further attempts were made to apprehend the people responsible for a lot of crimes. Thems the breaks.

19. Sanguinarium

A doctor who practices plastic surgery and witchcraft on his patients is... left to apply to another hospital! Seriously, how bad are criminals who get caught. Do they every catch anyone?

21. Detour

Ancient tree monsters with glowing red eyes kill anyone who enter their NOT MARKED OFF territory. Well, as long as we happen to stay out of it.. no harm, no foul.

What do you mean "we should make sure this territory is sealed as to not let anyone else get murdered by tree monsters?"

22. Chinga

A doll that forces people to murder others or self mutilate. They trow it in a microwave. The last scene is a fisherman pulling the doll out of a lobster trap. What steps had to have gone down where they saw the doll burst into flames in the microwave and everyone said "whew, let's throw it in the ocean, I'm sure it can't come back to life... cause it's a doll. That was alive. Let's just throw it away... sorry America's fishermen, your catch just got deadlier!"

23. Kill Switch

Artificial Intelligence that can control everything from a draw bridge to a Defense Department satellite laser is disabled. Our only line of defense is two agents who don't check to see if there's another location. There is.

24. Bad Blood

Green eyed vampires control a town. A whole town. They all manage to give our agents the slip. Because they all left. The FBI couldn't catch a town. Full of people. On the move. Being vampires. With green eyes. That's too tough to catch.

26. Folie à Deux

A giant bug monster that pretends to be a man goes around and turns people into his zombie slaves. He's left alone to find a few job elsewhere. How'd he get a new job?! Who checked is references?! He's a giant bug monster! Every former place of employment is riddled with complaints of zombies and giant bugs!

28. How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

Two ghosts get people to commit the same murder/suicide pact they did. Mulder and Scully barely survive and just leave and open presents. Hope no one else goes up to this readily available haunted house.

30. The Rain King

A loser's emotions control the weather in extreme ways. We've seen other people with possibly deadly powers get locked up (D.P.O., etc.). But not this guy. He can leave until his next mood swing, which should happen any moment now...

32. Arcadia

A monster kills people in a housing community for breaking any of the Homeowners Association's rules. The main bad guy gets killed, but the monster is still free. And now it has no master, so I'm sure it will rest quietly. But they got the main bad guy... so one out of two isn't terrible (jk it is when the one you caught was a guy and the one that got away was a dirt monster)

34. Field Trip

There's a cave with flowers that encompass innocent hikers and force them to live out their lives in a hallucination while their bodies are digested. It's a thing that exists that is not taken care of. Whyyyyy?

35. Rush

Another cave which causes teens to move at the speed of light (amiright?). Anyways this cave is sealed off. But that's it. And the town does it. Not the Federal Government who sent two agents to see what happened. So I guess they get points for apply a band-aid to wound that required stitches?

36. The Goldberg Variation

A man with ridiculous luck that harms others is left alive. No really, a lot of people he comes into contact with inadvertently die. He will continue to wreak havoc on people, but he saved a kid so let's let him go. If only they knew the kid was Shia LeBeouf... shame shame shame

37. Signs and Wonders

A Reverend can control snakes and is actually part snake (take that, Catholic Church). Anyways, he impregnates a woman who gives birth to snakes, murders several people, and then leaves to start a new church. Welp.

38. X-Cops

A beast that strikes during the night and turns into your deepest darkest fear. It will straight up murder you in whatever way you find the scariest.

Unfortunately the sun comes out and it disappears. Someone else's problem now!

39. First Person Shooter

A video game is plagued by a virus manifesting as a killer. You die in the game, you die for real. Again, they don't stop it. They never stop anything. The world is going to crumble because their level of "problem solved" is "are we alive? For now? Yep! Case closed"

42. Surekill

OK, out of the two people that helped commit murder and extortion, they do capture the one that can see through walls and did the murder. But they still allow the non-magical one to get away. That's just shotty.

At this point, Mulder was off the show. Doggett was brought in and he cares less about finding the truth and more about shooting things. So we see a drop off in times bad things get away... but they're not flawless.

45. Lord of the Flies

A family of spider people are left free to live. They get away. They are spider people who control bugs. Their home contained several cocooned bodies, but they are still out there right now. Probably right behind you...

46. John Doe

There's something called a "memory vampire" that sucks out people's memories.

Though it's not the main bad guy of the episode, it would still be cool to keep tabs on him. No? Ok then, moving on!

And that's it.

48 times they let monsters get away.

Thank Burt they figured out the aliens thing... or else they would be totally useless.

(All photos courtesy of Fox unless pointed out otherwise).

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