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The Definitive Ranking Of The Squinterns On Bones

We miss you, Zack :(

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As you may know, Bones features a different intern every week to assist Dr. Brennan at The Jeffersonian. Booth so affectionately nicknamed them "Squinterns" and the name stuck. There were only a few at first, but now we're up to 11.

11. Oliver Wells

Okay, Oliver is clearly the worst squintern. He’s arrogant, annoying, and doesn’t seem to want to be friends with anybody. And him questioning Brennan’s authority is just a no go; she is clearly the best and will always be the best. Let it go Oliver! Also the comments about how he and Hodgins look similar are egregious; Hodgins is sweet and adorable and Oliver is icky and gross. And what was with him shooting Hodgins with that tranquilizer dart and thinking it was no big deal?! Sure, it was pretty hilarious, but still. RUDE, Oliver.

10. Colin Fisher

Ugh, Fisher. I mean, honestly he’s alright and nowhere near as bad as Oliver. The problem is, all of the other interns are just so much better that Fisher gets pushed all the way to spot #10. His whole Debbie Downer routine can get old quick, but it is occasionally funny. Also, the episode where he, Sweets, and Hodgins camped out in order to see that movie was really cute and awesome. And you can’t help but feel bad for him with his struggle with depression and being in and out of facilities all the time. But whenever he popped up in an episode I couldn’t help but sigh and wish for any other intern except him.

9. Jessica Warren

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. Honestly, she’s only this far down on the list because she is still a fairly new squintern and we don’t know a lot about her yet. At first she seemed a little weird and annoying, but got much better throughout season 10. It was really awesome when she helped Brennan tweet better stuff so she would gain more twitter followers, and her and Aubrey will probably make a really cute couple. I’m on the fence about her calling Hodgins “Curly,” but those two work well together on the crazy experiments so maybe I can let it slide. You have potential to get me to like you more, Jessica, don’t mess it up.

8. Rodolfo Fuentes

Thank. You. God. Rodolfo Fuentes was an actual gift from you. Between the incredibly sexy accent and the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing going on, Rodolfo has a lot of potential to become a favorite squintern. At first, he seems like a very self-assured ladies’ man, but he has the smarts to back it up. He is one of the few squinterns that already has a doctorate, and was very successful in his home country of Cuba. His story of having to leave his country is pretty sad, which gains him major sympathy points. Again, he’s only this far down on the list because he is a new addition to the gang, and I didn’t want to be biased and make him number one because he is the hottest. But come on, he is the hottest.

7. Zack Addy

Oh, Zack. I miss you so much sometimes. For three whole seasons, Zack was the only squintern, but now that all is a distant memory. Between his social awkwardness and incredible intelligence, Zack was a special fellow. His relationship with Brennan was very sweet, and him and Hodgins as besties/roommates was amazing. However, around the end of season two/beginning of season three, Zack gets weird and less adorable. He becomes very serious and not as much fun, making him more annoying than lovable. The transformation all makes sense when he is revealed as Gormagon’s apprentice, which was equally upsetting. But still, I’m sure a part of everyone still really misses Zack.

6. Daisy Wick

To be honest, Daisy is only this high on the list because she is the mother of Sweets’ child and she’s gotten so calm and sad since his death. When Daisy first joined the show, I literally could not stand her. I actively rooted for Sweets to dump her, and every time they got back together I would scream. She talked way too much and was way too cocky for anybody’s liking. But Daisy’s transformation was so slow and steady, you almost don’t notice it until Sweets was gone. But Daisy becomes a very smart, respectful, and confident squintern who lost the love of her life. Seeing her throughout season 10 was heartbreaking, and in that instance I was overcome for love of the character whose demise I had rooted for.

5. Finn Abernathy

Finn gets the award for the most adorable squintern. Between his southern accent and his very nice manners, Finn is such a winner. At first, he was just this weirdo who wore a baseball cap in the lab and may or may not have killed his stepfather, but all of that got straightened out really quickly. He also proved he was pretty smart. Hodgins was unnecessarily mean to him in the beginning, but now they are the best of friends and even have the Opie and Thurston’s Hot Sauce empire together. Finn and Michelle were adorable and I hate her forever for cheating on/dumping him, because let’s be honest, you will never find a sweeter guy than Finn Abernathy. P.S. WHERE IS HE AND WHY WASN’T HE IN SEASON 10?!?!?!

4. Clark Edison

CLARK! When Clark made his first appearance we were like, ew, who is this weirdo trying to take Zack’s place?! But we warmed up to him very fast. Clark was very standoffish and too obsessed with professionalism at first, but when he finally gets involved in the personal goings on at The Jeffersonian, it’s a complete transformation! He is funny and friendly and a human being instead of a robot! He and his girlfriend were super cute (RIP Clark and Nora) and the episode where he wrote the terrible mystery novel is what dreams are made of. He earns his doctorate and a permanent place at The Jeffersonian, and his and Brennan’s sometimes strained relationship is in a great place right now. You go, Dr. Edison!

3. Arastoo Vaziri

What was my life before Arastoo walked into it? When we first meet him, he’s a heavily-accented Muslim who prays all the time, much to the confusion and annoyance of the other team members. But he was super sweet and adorable— remember when Angela and Roxie broke up and he made her the mix CD? Perfection. And let’s not forget the moment when he forgot to use his accent and it was like the smallest biggest plot twist of all time. And then Arastoo ends up serenading Cam with sweet poetry, and then they become the couple you never knew you needed in your life. (Not giving up hope on them yet). The biggest joy of Arastoo’s character is that he keeps evolving which makes us love him more and more. And we can’t forget the episode where he got poisoned and almost died, causing me to question my entire existence and how life would be meaningless if Arastoo didn’t make it.

2. Vincent Nigel-Murray

What can I even say about Vincent? Between his cute accent and haircut, and his annoyingly great fun facts, Vincent was a true treasure. He would probably be number one if he didn’t go and DIE ON US!! Remember when he won a ton of money on Jeopardy, but then lost it all, forcing him to come back to The Jeffersonian? And the time he put on the dinosaur costume thing and pretended to be one?! These were some of the best Mr. Nigel-Murray moments ever. Okay, now it’s time to talk about his death (intense sob). He was shot so suddenly and it was so, so tragic. How could we be so devastated over a squintern who was only in 11 episodes?! Poor Vincent died in Brennan and Booth’s arms, begging them “Please don’t make me go.” It only got worse when Brennan assured him he was her favorite intern. And then he was gone. His death deeply affected everyone. This caused Brennan and Booth to sleep together for the first time (and conceive Christine, btw). Angela and Hodgins named their son after him, and The Jeffersonian put up a plaque in his honor. The funeral scene was equally tragic, as Sweets led everyone in a rendition of “Lime in the Coconut.” RIP FOREVER VINCENT </3

1. Wendell Bray

WENDELL IS NUMBER ONE!! How can you not love Wendell? He is absolutely adorable, smart, and friendly. The total package. Wendell is such a hard worker, but social and normal, which is rare with the squinterns. He plays hockey with Booth, which is amazing and wonderful. Booth is also like a father figure to him, and whenever Wendell has a problem he goes straight to Booth. The episode where he was going to lose his scholarship was scary, and it was heartwarming when everyone was jumping to help him, because that’s how much they love Wendell. His and Angela’s relationship was very awful and I hated it, but only because I knew she was meant to be with Hodgins. Since they’re back together now, I can forgive Wendell. Let’s not forget about Wendell’s cancer diagnosis. I swear to god, if Wendell dies I will break my TV and never watch the show again. How is it that my top three squinterns either died or almost died?! Bones, why are you doing this to me?! But yes, Wendell is the best.

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