1. When he joked about his baby face.
Killin it.
2. When he made a pun and knew it was terrible.
Scotch on the rocks. Look, I'm not proud of myself for tweeting this.
3. When he got real about texting.
Don't patronize me with a "haha nice" text. I'd rather be ignored completely.
4. When he asked Twitter for a favor.
.@twitter Pls let me retweet myself
5. When he basically Inception-ed us.
I want to tweet about how people these days are too easily offended by stuff but I'm afraid I'll offend people.
6. When he confessed his fridge cleaning struggles.
How come when I take something out of the fridge and am wary of its freshness, I put it back rather than throwing it out?
7. When he gave us an intimate look into his kitchen
This bowl in my kitchen really needs to figure itself out.
8. When he was brutally honest about how he celebrated his 30th birthday.
Making the most of the last few hours of my twenties...
9. When he was so fleek.
I'm so fucking fleek I don't even know what fleek means.
10. When he dared to say what we were all secretly thinking.
Nothing like hearing those bullshit 5th of July fireworks.
11. When he couldn't stop making July 4th puns.
Happy Indie Pen Dance Day!
12. Seriously, he couldn't stop.
Happy Indy Pendant's Day!
You can get the pendant here.
13. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TRY TO STOP HIM?
Happy 4th of Jewel Eye!
14. When he gave sage political advice.
Donald Trump should build an enormous border wall around himself.
15. When he totally sounded like Dr. Brennan.
Love is just a bunch of chemicals in your brain that fall in love with the chemicals in someone else's brain.
16. When he pointed out the obvious.
Wasn't it time to take it down the confederate flag when they lost the Civil War?
17. When he showed superheroes give us unrealistic body standards.
My nipples are seriously lacking here.
18. When he spoke so much truth.
Having a Twitter or Facebook argument is like trying to run in a dream.
19. When he made the classic uncle-died-while-cutting-an-onion joke.
I cry when I cut onions because my uncle died cutting an onion.
20. When he voiced his concern about blood water.
Does Nestle get their water from blood?
21. When he was so ~meta~.
God is like the god of gods.
22. When he made fun of twitter ranters.
(1 of 98) I'll keep this short...
23. When he shared this cool fun fact.
Sdrawkcab is backwards backwards.
24. When even HE was not immune to The Dress madness.
Really hope I don't die today, mostly because I don't want my last tweet to be about that stupid dress.
25. When he suggested how Boyhood could've upped its game.
If Boyhood was filmed for 12 years IN ONE CONTINUOUS SHOT it might've won.
26. When he probably scared all his followers a little bit.
I always thought "fuck, marry, kill" were just the natural steps in a relationship.
27. When he still made more puns.
Nothing I like better than spending time with my fans.
28. When he... just... did... this.
The Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should team up for a Goo Goo Gaga Tour.
29. And finally, when he wished everyone a happy holiday.
If Christmas trees could talk, they'd be like "Help me! I'm dying!" #HappyHolidays
ALL HAIL THE TWITTER KING.
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