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    The Definitive Ranking Of Root Vegetables

    Tuber time!

    18. Kohlrabi

    Getty Images/iStockphoto MariaBrzostowska

    This stuff is terrible. It just waves its creepy little arms at you and tastes like nothing no matter what you do to it. I can already hear the kohlrabi lobby whining about how it's "not technically a root." Not important; what matters here is that kohlrabi needs to be put in its place, which is at the bottom of a list.

    17. Cassava

    Getty Images/iStockphoto Peter Zijlstra

    Look, I have EYES. I can tell this is not a vegetable. This is a small piece of tree.

    16. Horseradish

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    The fact that humans found something that a) looks like a mummy's dong and b) tastes like spicy sawdust and were like WOW LET'S EAT IT really perfectly encapsulates the problem with humans.

    15. Turnips

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    For a vegetable whose name is only one letter away from "turn up," I would expect this to be a LOT more fun.

    14. Daikon

    Getty Images/iStockphoto kynny

    hehehehehehehe

    13. Rutabagas

    Getty Images/iStockphoto Peter Zijlstra

    Rutabagas: At least they're not turnips!

    12. Jicama

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    Jicama is very...crisp. And that's really all there is to say.

    11. Taro

    Getty Images/iStockphoto sommail

    Points for the purple speckles, but everything else going on here is pretty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    10. Jerusalem Artichokes

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    Everything about Jerusalem artichokes is intimidating in a cool way: The two-part name! The nubbly bits! You don't mess around with these.

    9. Celeriac

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    Celery plants have a secret twisty root that's creepy as hell. Who knew?

    8. Radishes

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    Radishes look better than they taste, but they also taste good, so in this case it's just like when someone really nice and smart also happens to be hot.

    7. Purple Yams

    Getty Images/iStockphoto luknaja

    It's like looking at the deep mysteries of the cosmos, contained in a single tuber.

    6. Beets

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    Yes, beets taste like dirt, but this is not a problem. It is their greatest virtue. This root is a root of the earth. It is a gem of sweet minerality and nutritiousness and the only bad thing about it is that sometimes when you eat a bunch of beets and then poo you think you're hemorrhaging to death, but whatever, worth it.

    5. Potatoes

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    I don't need to tell you about potatoes. You know about potatoes. They're fine.

    4. Ginger

    Getty Images/iStockphoto Logichecreative

    wow

    bet you didn't see that coming

    bet you didn't know ginger counted as a root

    BAM

    3. Carrots

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    Come on, they HUG EACH OTHER, what more do you need.

    2. Sweet Potatoes

    Getty Images/iStockphoto margouillatphotos

    Like a potato, but sweeter.

    1. Parsnips

    Getty Images/iStockphoto Oliver Hoffmann

    Parsnips are a little bit sweet and a little bit nutty and when you roast them they have this great, sort of bouncy texture. A good mouthfeel, if you will. They feel good in the mouth. They are truly the unacknowledged queens of the root vegetable world.