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15 Trashy Bagel Topping Combos That Are Actually Brilliant

You are not above this.

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Photos by Lauren Zaser / Design by Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Have you ever looked down at your bagel, smeared with quietly dignified cream cheese, maybe topped off with a little bit of lox or onion, and wished that it could offer you...more? Like, for instance, a bunch of Doritos?

Here's a beautiful thing to consider: No one is stopping from you from putting all kinds of insane junk on your bagel. It's YOUR bagel. You can do WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Just think about the possibilities. Cheese and crackers...ON A BAGEL.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Candy! And cereal! ON A BAGEL!

Lauren Zaser
Lauren Zaser
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Are you intrigued? Good. We have a few suggestions for your next bagel opportunity.

1. The Birthday Cake Bagel

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!! We crumbled up Hostess mini powdered sugar Donettes, and can highly recommend them for this purpose.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!! We crumbled up Hostess mini powdered sugar Donettes, and can highly recommend them for this purpose.

2. The Super Snack Bagel

Girl, you CAN have it all.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Girl, you CAN have it all.

3. The Banana Pudding Bagel

This is actually a totally legitimate breakfast that no one could judge you for!
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

This is actually a totally legitimate breakfast that no one could judge you for!

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4. The Nacho Bagel

You don't think you want to eat Cheese Whiz, but you do. Deep down, you do.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

You don't think you want to eat Cheese Whiz, but you do. Deep down, you do.

Look at it go!

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Food

5. The Lucky S'mores Bagel

At least 83% easier than building a campfire.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

At least 83% easier than building a campfire.

6. The Ritz Dip Bagel

If you don't know about the tangy magic of pimiento cheese, you should! And you might as well make your own, because it's so easy.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

If you don't know about the tangy magic of pimiento cheese, you should! And you might as well make your own, because it's so easy.

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7. The Hot Guac Bagel

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8. The Upgraded PB&J Bagel

Peanut butter is a beautiful thing, but...so is candy. And sugary cereal.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Peanut butter is a beautiful thing, but...so is candy. And sugary cereal.

9. The Pork & Beans Bagel

It's all about that textural contrast.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

It's all about that textural contrast.

10. The Peanut Butter Puff Bagel

Never underestimate the power of simplicity.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Never underestimate the power of simplicity.

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11. The Onion Lover's Bagel

The foundation of this should (obviously) be an onion bagel.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

The foundation of this should (obviously) be an onion bagel.

12. The Movie Matinee Bagel

Goobers (chocolate-covered peanuts) >>> Raisinettes, but you do you.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Goobers (chocolate-covered peanuts) >>> Raisinettes, but you do you.

13. The Pregnancy Craving Bagel

Bonus points for salt and vinegar chips.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Bonus points for salt and vinegar chips.

14. The Truck Stop Bagel

Just remember to pick up a dozen bagels before your next road trip.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Just remember to pick up a dozen bagels before your next road trip.

15. The Fudge Sundae Bagel

Don't lie, you know you would eat this.
Lauren Zaser / Alice Monkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

Don't lie, you know you would eat this.

Cheers to you, and to all of us. Maybe your bagels forthwith be completely insane.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life