1. You always have an umbrella when it rains, and never when it doesn't.
2. When you order clothes online, they actually fit.
3. People at the post office are nice to you.
4. You have not, to date, killed a plant.
5. You can get the corners to line up when you fold a fitted sheet.
6. You don't get cavities.
7. You always land on Free Parking.
8. You remember which password to use for every website.
9. When you finish a roll of toilet paper, there is always another within reach.
10. Your nail polish never chips before you take it off.
11. Your hair doesn't react to humidity.
12. You always arrive at the subway platform five seconds before the train does.
13. Those flimsy little paper matches actually light on the first try when you use them.
14. When you make microwave popcorn, it neither burns nor leaves kernels un-popped.
15. You arrive at every restaurant just before the rush hits.
16. When you eat milk and cookies, you always have exactly the right amount of milk.
17. You can apply perfectly symmetrical winged eyeliner on the first try.
18. In the morning you rise from your bed, fully refreshed, within seconds of your alarm going off.
19. When you wear white pants, you never get any schmutz on them.
20. You always know exactly which subway exit is the right one.
21. Your produce never goes bad before you use it.
22. When you make a vinaigrette, it stays emulsified.
23. Your Instagrams always get at least 11 likes within the first hour.
24. When you hang out with cats and dogs, you never get covered in hair.
25. Your phone battery has never died at a key moment.
26. Every time you interview for a job, you have a perfect hair day.
27. You never get blisters when you wear new shoes.
28. When you eat chips from a bag that was already open, they are always perfectly fresh.