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Can You Get Through This Post Without Yelling "What The FUCK, People?!"

Dump. That. Mother. Fucker. Already.

1. When he makes gross bodily noises all damn day.

2. When he smokes weed and plays World of Warcraft all day while you're out working, and he won't get a job because he doesn't believe in... jobs.... ??????

3. When he, uh, electrocutes you.

4. When he casually shits his pants in front of you and it's definitely not an accident.

5. When he emails your boss and accuses him of "encroaching" on your personal relationship by having drinks with you in the hotel lobby during a business trip.

6. When she tells your best friend you have a small dick, and the two of them start making fun of you for it.

7. When he tells his family that you've offered to give your Hamilton tickets to his troubled little sister (?!?!?!?) and then calls you a cunt when you tell him and his parents that you never said that and aren't willing to do it.

8. When he "accidentally" burns the candle your sister made for you right before she died, a candle that he KNOWS that you treasure... and then later tells you that he did it because he knew it would upset you and he's attracted to your grief and distress.

9. When he says you can borrow his car and then insists you pay him $50 a day for "renting it."

10. When he fucks your mom.

11. When he's using a pretty classic gaslighting technique.

12. If he fathered his "niece" through an affair with his sister-in-law and no one in the family knows the truth.

13. When he says terrible things about your appearance behind your back.

14. When he has been spending a lot of time with his pregnant coworker and insists on giving her money and buying things for her unborn baby because he's just "trying to do a good deed" for a single mother in need.

15. When he tells you flat-out that there is nothing going on with his pregnant coworker and then you find out from her that actually, yeah, he's the father of her child.

16. *takes a deep breath* When he won't stop burping in your face and farting on you, so you finally confront him about it and tell him to stop, and he acts like an asshole and accuses you of overreacting before finally apologizing, but then later that night you're going down on him and HE HOLDS YOUR HEAD DOWN AND FARTS WHILE YOU ARE BLOWING HIM.

17. When you keep smelling a mysterious poop smell in your room and you later discover that your girlfriend has been wiping her own shit on the carpet under your bed.