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    26 Things That'll Let Everyone Around You Know You're An Intellectual

    *pinkies up*

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A Pilot fountain pen for hand-writing the next Great American Novel before your trusted assistant transcribes it to digital. No need to bother yourself with computers when you're a literary genius.

    Amazon

    Using a fountain pen is one of the most pretentious simple pleasures in my life. It's SO easy to use. This one has an ink cartridge that you just pop in and go. I've never has a problem with leaking, and the tip is the perfect size for getting crisp, thin lines. This set comes with the pen body, one ink cartridge, and a box.

    Promising review: "I really like this pen so far. It writes very smooth and is always ready with ink when I use it. I’ve had others that take a few seconds for the ink to flow properly. Recommended!" —Gary M. Thompson

    Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in six colors and two nib sizes).

    2. A teeny-tiny Frasier print so you can always have your favorite radio psychiatrist with you, along with your tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

    KimmyMakesThings

    The print is three inches by three inches.

    Get it from KimmyMakesThings on Etsy for $5.

    3. A New York Times crossword puzzle book to fill your idle hours with mind-strengthening fun. Blow through the Monday book in no time flat before moving onto the increasingly difficult Tuesday–Sunday versions.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I love this thing! The print is nice and large, and the spiral binding is super nice. The paper is still newspaper-y which makes it feel like a newspaper crossword without having to lug around a newspaper. I use erasable pens, and they erase great. The boxes are plenty big enough for the letters and the crosswords are all appropriately 'Monday' difficulty. Great thing to have! Can’t wait to finish it and move on to Tuesday!" —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $10.79.

    Want more of a challenge? Try the Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday versions of this book for increasing difficulty!

    4. A uniquely shaped wine decanter that'll really ~open up~ whatever bottle of red you meticulously selected for the evening. Here's to every time you watched the documentary Somm and thought "Pfft, I would ace that."

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This wine decanter is exquisite. I bought it as a gift and can't wait to see their expressions when they open it. It is very elegant yet sturdy enough to be functional at dinner parties. I highly recommend purchasing this item. Also the packaging was excellent." —Dorrie

    Get it from Amazon for $19.98.

    5. A personal library kit to keep all of your books safe and accounted for. No more borrowing without consequences, people!

    Amazon

    The kit includes 20 self-adhesive pockets and checkout cards, a date stamp with an ink pad, and a pencil.

    Promising review: "Knock Knock makes the BEST paper products! Not only are they fun, cheeky, and surprising, they are totally utilitarian. This made such a wonderful gift, I bought one for myself. It made me look closely at my library and realize which books were truly important to me and which could go, freeing up space for true treasures. Everything is excellent quality and even better than expected." —Barely Knit Together

    Get it from Amazon for $12.54.

    6. Some A24 socks — accessories are the best way to prove you've seen the hippest new films in the last few years. Everyone knows that.

    A24

    Get them from A24 for $12 (available in three colors).

    7. A record player, because the sound quality is just SO much richer on vinyl, wouldn't you agree?

    amazon.com

    Need some albums to go with? Get some (of my personal) favorites of the decade from Amazon like Solange's A Seat at the Table ($20.74), Vampire Weekend's Contra ($19.84) and Big Thief's Masterpiece ($18.59).

    Promising review: "I am so in love with this record player. My husband bought it for me for Christmas. It is the best gift ever! It is easy to use, the sound is fantastic. I especially love the color, all the color choices are terrific. If I could give more than five stars I would!" —Taryn and Jonathon

    Get it from Amazon for $39.96 (available in 25 colors).

    8. A box set of A Song of Ice and Fire so when anyone brings up Earth's favorite TV show you can be the one who says "But have you read the books?" A level of one-upmanship I sincerely wish for you, intellectual.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $28.17.

    9. A copy of The Old Farmer's Almanac 2020 that's chock-full of facts so you can have the satisfaction of being right even more than you already do.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "The Farmer's Almanac is a staple. It gives you heaps of useful information and tips on nearly everything domestic from gardening and cooking to advice and trivia. We buy one every year." —Amanda

    Get it from Amazon for $7.99.

    10. An sous vide immersion circulator, because being an intellectual means turning any kind of innate human expression into a precisely measured and timed science. But on the real...these gadgets make some killer meals.

    amazon.com, amazon.com

    Place the sous vide in a pot of water and place vacuum- or plastic-sealed meat inside to have it heated to the exact temperature you want for perfectly cooked steak, pork, chicken, and fish every single time!

    Promising review: "I bought my dad this cooker for Christmas and we used it to cook steak on NYE. We had an approximate 2.5-inch venison steak, cooked it at 135 degrees for two hours, and it came out at a perfect medium. Once we removed it from the water bath, we seared it for a few minutes on each side to "crust" the exterior. The steak was so incredibly tender, we cut it with butter knives. The machine itself is very easy to use. It clips on to any pot. It synced really easily to my dads phone. We had no issues, like other reviews have stated. We hope to try different types of meat and veggies in the future. I will be buying my own household one of these!" —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $96.99.

    11. A copy of Infinite Jest, perfect for the shelf or for gluing to your hand until the end of time.

    Amazon

    I don't think I need to include a promising review because you've probably gotten an unsolicited one from some random guy every time you've stepped foot in an independent coffee shop since it was published.

    Get it from Amazon for $11.19, Barnes and Noble for $18, or from a local bookseller through IndieBound.

    12. A old fashioned carry-on cocktail kit so you don't have to SUFFER through a layman's drink just because you're at cruising altitude.

    Amazon

    The kit includes a carry-on tin, recipe card, spoon/muddler, aromatic bitters, cane sugar, and a linen coaster. There are enough ingredients to make two cocktails.

    Promising review: "I bought these for my mom for mother’s day and she absolutely loved them. Travelled well to Europe and was a nice gift for a long flight." —Morgan Parkhurst

    Get it from Amazon for $22.99 (available in 11 styles).

    13. A Book of the Month subscription to keep your finger on the pulse when it comes to current best-sellers. Select and read one of their current selections each month and prepare to rule many a conversation.

    instagram.com

    What you get: Your choice of one of five titles a month with an option to skip a month and save credit whenever you please.

    I have a Book of the Month subscription and love it! While trying to get back into the habit of reading this year, it's been wonderful to have a curated selection of current best-sellers to choose from. I love being able to read their descriptions of the books before choosing and haven't been disappointed yet!

    Get a three-month subscription for $49.99 (also available for six- and twelve-months).

    14. A Winc subscription so you can have wine delivered to your door catered *perfectly* to your preferences. Look forward to slowly and seriously nodding in approval during your unboxing.

    Winc

    Get it from Winc with wines starting at $12.99 (and get $20 when you get four bottles!).

    Check out "This Wine Subscription Service Will Change Your Life" for more info!

    15. A Fibonacci necklace to give people the impression that you actually know things about math.

    MolecularMotifs

    Get it from MolecularMotifs on Etsy for $50 (available in three finishes).

    16. A Moby-Dick themed party game, because if a game doesn't involve Herman Melville in some way, tbh you can keep it.

    amazon.com

    It's basically Cards Against Humanity, but...pretentious.

    Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

    17. Lair: Radical Homes and Hideouts of Movie Villains — a perfect coffee table book for any architecture-heads or movie aficionados. Sooooo doubly you.

    Amazon

    The book is printed entirely in black and silver and has entries on Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Star Wars, The Incredibles, Blade Runner 2049, You Only Live Twice, The Ghost Writer, Body Double, North by Northwest, and more!

    Promising review: "Great idea, stunning design. Perfect holiday gift for movie and architecture aficionados." —Francine

    Get it from Amazon for $42.32.

    18. An Aeropress, because if you're not making time for learning how to make fancy coffee in new ways, baby, you're not living.

    amazon.com

    The set comes with the chamber, plunger, seal, filter cap, funnel, filter holder, scoop, and stirrer. Here's a super informative video on how to use the Aeropress made by the coffee gods at Stumptown.

    Promising review: "Former barista here. I know I'm not supposed to say this because it may put me out as being an authentic coffee lover, but I've never truly loved the French press. The coffee taste is amazing, however, the silt in it doesn't do it for me. Aeropress gives you the option to have all the flavor of the French press, without the chalky silt. The Aeropress does right by the coffee. Using the ultra fine mesh metal filter, you can get ultra fresh coffee with silky sweet crema, I kid you not! I've found that the Aeropress cups I'm getting are less bitter and more well-rounded. The Aeropress makes it fun to make coffee again. It makes it fun, but also it's not so time-consuming that you'll have to carve out time for the learning curve. If you can stir and push, you can make a darn good cup of coffee!" —carpenter

    Get it from Amazon for $29.95.

    19. A classic Moleskine notebook for writing down all of your lofty thoughts the moment you have them. Can't let those nuggets of genius escape!

    instagram.com

    Promising review: "The classic. My dad got me hooked on these when I was a teenager; he has used them for years and years at work. Great size. I love to doodle and write in these notebooks. It's about the size of a paperback book or a standard DVD case. I always buy one before trips so I can plan my itinerary, sketch landmarks and food, and write about my experiences. The pages are fairly durable. Even when you're writing with an ink pen, I find there's little to no bleeding." —Rachel

    Get it from Amazon for $9.98.

    20. An annotated edition of Ulysses — I know you'd take the time to study up and annotate a version yourself, but you've been so busy doing so with Tolstoy lately.

    ucpress.edu

    Depending on the level of pretension we're dealing with, the annotations could be either a helpful tool or a sick burn! (This is just the annotations, but you can get a Kindle version of the text itself for $2.99.)

    Get it from Amazon for $24.57.

    21. A KMH Diamond Grading Chart — I encourage you to keep all of your gems uncut, but if you have to...you might as well do it the right way.

    A24

    Get it from A24 for $40.

    22. A Kendall Roy pin to get for yourself or give to your number one boy. Either way, you get to show off your involvement in the Golden Age of Television and maybe even get a kiss from Daddy.

    WeirdoWeapons

    Get it from WeirdoWeapons on Etsy for $9.

    23. Temporary literary tattoos so you can memorialize your love of volumes, tomes, and letters...at least for a little while.

    Amazon

    Get them from Amazon for $18.95.

    24. A "Concept Planner" — planning by time? A thing of the past. Planning by concept is much more your speed.

    Poketo

    Get it from Poketo for $34 (available in four colors; this listing is for blue, but you can shop the other colors here).

    25. A Seinfeld reference book so you can ensure you know everything about the show about nothing.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $21.95.

    26. A meta puzzle — normal puzzles are far too easy. A puzzle of a puzzle, however, is the challenge you crave.

    Piecework

    So ^this IS the puzzle. It's 1000 pieces, and my mind is blown.

    Get it from Piecework for $36.

    It's so hard being the smartest person in the room...

    NBC

    The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

    Looking for more great Amazon finds? Check out some of our favorite cheap things to buy on Amazon, some of the weirdest things on Amazon you might actually want, or read through all the rest of our incredible Amazon product recommendations.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed

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