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    26 Things That'll Let Everyone Around You Know You're An Intellectual

    *pinkies up*

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    1. A Pilot fountain pen for hand-writing the next Great American Novel before your trusted assistant transcribes it to digital. No need to bother yourself with computers when you're a literary genius.

    2. A teeny-tiny Frasier print so you can always have your favorite radio psychiatrist with you, along with your tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

    3. A New York Times crossword puzzle book to fill your idle hours with mind-strengthening fun. Blow through the Monday book in no time flat before moving onto the increasingly difficult Tuesday–Sunday versions.

    4. A uniquely shaped wine decanter that'll really ~open up~ whatever bottle of red you meticulously selected for the evening. Here's to every time you watched the documentary Somm and thought "Pfft, I would ace that."

    5. A personal library kit to keep all of your books safe and accounted for. No more borrowing without consequences, people!

    6. Some A24 socks — accessories are the best way to prove you've seen the hippest new films in the last few years. Everyone knows that.

    7. A record player, because the sound quality is just SO much richer on vinyl, wouldn't you agree?

    8. A box set of A Song of Ice and Fire so when anyone brings up Earth's favorite TV show you can be the one who says "But have you read the books?" A level of one-upmanship I sincerely wish for you, intellectual.

    9. A copy of The Old Farmer's Almanac 2020 that's chock-full of facts so you can have the satisfaction of being right even more than you already do.

    10. An sous vide immersion circulator, because being an intellectual means turning any kind of innate human expression into a precisely measured and timed science. But on the real...these gadgets make some killer meals.

    11. A copy of Infinite Jest, perfect for the shelf or for gluing to your hand until the end of time.

    12. A old fashioned carry-on cocktail kit so you don't have to SUFFER through a layman's drink just because you're at cruising altitude.

    13. A Book of the Month subscription to keep your finger on the pulse when it comes to current best-sellers. Select and read one of their current selections each month and prepare to rule many a conversation.

    14. A Winc subscription so you can have wine delivered to your door catered *perfectly* to your preferences. Look forward to slowly and seriously nodding in approval during your unboxing.

    15. A Fibonacci necklace to give people the impression that you actually know things about math.

    16. A Moby-Dick themed party game, because if a game doesn't involve Herman Melville in some way, tbh you can keep it.

    17. Lair: Radical Homes and Hideouts of Movie Villains — a perfect coffee table book for any architecture-heads or movie aficionados. Sooooo doubly you.

    18. An Aeropress, because if you're not making time for learning how to make fancy coffee in new ways, baby, you're not living.

    19. A classic Moleskine notebook for writing down all of your lofty thoughts the moment you have them. Can't let those nuggets of genius escape!

    20. An annotated edition of Ulysses — I know you'd take the time to study up and annotate a version yourself, but you've been so busy doing so with Tolstoy lately.

    21. A KMH Diamond Grading Chart — I encourage you to keep all of your gems uncut, but if you have might as well do it the right way.

    22. A Kendall Roy pin to get for yourself or give to your number one boy. Either way, you get to show off your involvement in the Golden Age of Television and maybe even get a kiss from Daddy.

    23. Temporary literary tattoos so you can memorialize your love of volumes, tomes, and least for a little while.

    24. A "Concept Planner" — planning by time? A thing of the past. Planning by concept is much more your speed.

    25. A Seinfeld reference book so you can ensure you know everything about the show about nothing.

    26. A meta puzzle — normal puzzles are far too easy. A puzzle of a puzzle, however, is the challenge you crave.

    It's so hard being the smartest person in the room...

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