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1.A toilet wand you probably should've gotten a long time ago, but hey — it's never too late to start cleaning the can.
3.A handy checklist that will hold you accountable for completing tasks. Hey, if it takes a pushy piece of paper to get you through the day, I won't question it.
4.A houseplant insect trap for anyone who's had it up to *here* with gnats circling your head while you're just trying to relax at home.
5.A cute little trash can to keep in your room so you have no excuse for letting those clothing tags, receipts, and gum wrappers pile up on your dresser.
6.An underwear subscription so you can stave off the dreaded laundry day without having to go commando just a liiiittle bit longer.
7.Some very ~aesthetically pleasing~ hand sanitizer if you find that your hands are somehow ALWAYS covered in a mysterious substance.
8.A set of microfiber glasses cleaning cloths, because if you continue to throw your glasses about carelessly, you're gonna need a great way to clean them. I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, but the bottom of your T-shirt is NOT gonna get those smudges off.
9.A set of charcoal air purifying bags to place anywhere that just smells...funky. Closets, cars, gym bags, you name it! Get rid of the stank without spritzing a headache-inducing freshener all over the place.
10.A pan and lid organizer that can be used both horizontally and vertically so you never again get crushed by the avalanche of cookware that usually pours out of your cabinets. You DO own more than one old pan...right?
11.OK, just in case, a new set of All-Clad nonstick pans so you can retire the 20-year-old one your mom gave you to start out when you finally got your own place.
12.A silicone earbud holder, because you absolutely cannot keep walking around with your headphones in a Rat King–esque knot. I'm putting my foot down!
13.A foldable, reusable bag so you can always have one on you instead of having to remember to grab it before heading to the store. We both know that will literally never happen.
14.A washable shower curtain liner, because the "buy a new plastic one every five years and just shower next to a mildewy nightmare" method needs to stop.
15.Some handy file folders to keep your important documents safe and sound. Nobody should have to panic wondering where their passport is before a big trip.
16.A set of packing cubes for anyone who's ever tried and immediately failed at keeping their luggage in check while on vacation. Packing is possibly the thing I'm least-adult at, and these cubes have really helped me.
17.A purse organizer with 11 glorious pockets so you don't have to fight to shove your hand through 20 tubes of lipstick just to grab hold of your wallet.
18.A wine stain remover if you tend to get a little too loosey-goosey with the grip on your merlot and spill a bit every now and again (aka all the time).
19.A handheld vacuum so the next time you make a bit of a mess, you don't have to scoop it up ashamedly with your hands — we have the technology, please use it.
20.A password journal, because you will never ever remember all of your passwords. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if you're making unique ones like I HOPE you're doing, you're gonna need a little assistance.
21.A hanger stacker so the bottom of your closet can finally be FREE! No more fighting with tangled hooks just to hang up one shirt.
22.A stainless steel water bottle, because popular culture says the solution to all of your problems is to simply drink more water. And hey, you'll probably be more likely to do that from a cute bottle!
23.A makeup remover towel that takes off your stubborn full-face with only water and mere swipes. Please tell me you're taking your makeup every night.
24.A clean/dirty dishwasher magnet for anyone who can never seem to remember if the dishes have been washed. I get it, remembering anything is hard.
25.A Quip toothbrush subscription so you always have a fresh brush right when you need it. You may not regularly go to the dentist, but this brush can at least help you clean all four corners of your mouth for the perfect amount of time with its helpful cues.
26.A bottle of wrinkle releaser spray for at least looking like you had time to get yourself together in the morning. Fake it 'til ya make it.
27.A cup holder car trash can, because you might not mind when your feet have to crunch through trash just to get in the vehicle, but your passengers almost certainly do.
28.A Tile Sport for keeping tabs on your valuables and tracking them down if they happen to go missing. Your wallet and keys haven't been "running away" — you just haven't been amazing at keeping track of them.
29.A peace of mind journal, because it may not be time to meet with a lawyer about your final wishes in case of the worst, but you can at least express who you'd like to get custody of your cookie jar collection.
30.A pet hair vacuum for anyone who loves being a pet parent but can't seem to get up the gumption to clean the endless amount of shedding that comes along with that. This'll make it as easy as possible.
31.And if all else fails, a bag of highly caffeinated Death Wish coffee, because maybe grown ups aren't that productive — they're just over-caffeinated.
Congrats on being the most adult adult who has ever been an adult!