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1. A mechanical bull, because 2019 is the official year of yee-haw, whether you like it or not.
Get it from Amazon for $43.79.
2. A wacky waving inflatable tube guy that I have a weird crush on. No further questions, please.
Look at his Cool Guy hair!
Get it from Amazon for $17.49.
3. An all-seeing float for your super-chill eyeball-themed pool party. Nope, that's not weird at all, definitely normal.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $39.99 (originally $60).
4. A banana that comes with a mission: If you buy this, I NEED to you hold it up to your ear and pretend it's a phone. Can you do that for me? Promise?
Get it from Ban.do for $44.99 (originally $60).
5. A hot dog I'm pretty sure is going to ghost you in about two weeks.
Get it from Target for $25.
6. A glittery mouth that will kiss your butt with a smile all the live long day.
Get it from Amazon for $15.95.
7. A pug so you can swim with a dog without getting all those tiny scratches.
Get it from Walmart for $28.99.
8. A mermaid tail inner tube for if you've ever looked in the mirror, closed your eyes real tight, and wished to become half fish.
Get it from Amazon for $19.99 (available in two colors).
9. A straight up flamingo BOAT that should really be called the flamingo GOAT. Look at this thing! Lie to me and tell me you don't want to sit upon its back all summer.
Get it from Amazon for $139.90 (originally $299.95).
10. A glittery tiger float so majestic he is honestly my king.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $34 (originally $49).
11. A butterfly wing float that's VERY social-media-friendly but is also dangerously close to the "jazz cup" print. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Get it from Amazon for $31.59.
12. A mallard float for anyone who's super into fun times but boring animals. You contain multitudes.
Get it from Amazon for $39.99 (available in five styles).
13. A sloth that hugs you, to which I can't help but say "absolutely not."
Get it from Walmart for $14.99 (originally $34.99) available in three animals).
14. A beaver float for any time you feel like taking a ~dam~ swim.
Get it from Amazon for $39.99 (available in five styles).
15. A melted ice cream that would be upsetting in any other context, but as a float is the cherry on top of a great pool day.
Get it from Target for $24.99.
16. A golden dragon you should at least try to name something a little more creative than "Drogon."
Get it from Amazon for $39.99.
17. A boob float *OR* a chic, minimalist concentric circles float, depending on how willing your are to feign ignorance to keep your pool SFW.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $29.99 (originally $60).
18. An alligator cooler WITH CUP HOLDERS issued to every human born in Florida along with their birth certificate and social security card.
Get it from Amazon for $24.99.
19. A cockroach who is likely to outlive you, long after the sun explodes and consumes the earth.
Get it from Amazon for $14.25 (originally $20).
20. A Hawaiian shirt your dad will def want to steal. Keep an eye on him...
Get it from Amazon for $21.99 (originally $49.99).
21. A whoopee cushion for bringing the greatest goof of all time into the great outdoors.
Get it from Amazon for $19.99.
22. An enormous engagement ring to drop a little hint in your significant other's pool.
Get it from Amazon for $19.99.
23. Or a big ol' candy ring if things between you aren't that serious yet.
Get it from Target for $16.99.
25. A hamburger — I know it looks realistic, but don't chomp on it! It'll pop!
Get it from Forever 21 with $12.53 (originally $17.90).
26. A llama, arguably the greatest animal of all time and *puts fingers in ears* na na na I can't hear you if you're trying to fight me on that.
Get it from Target for $19.99.
Have a weird summer, y'all!
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