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1. A mechanical bull, because 2019 is the official year of yee-haw, whether you like it or not.
2. A wacky waving inflatable tube guy that I have a weird crush on. No further questions, please.
3. An all-seeing float for your super-chill eyeball-themed pool party. Nope, that's not weird at all, definitely normal.
4. A banana that comes with a mission: If you buy this, I NEED to you hold it up to your ear and pretend it's a phone. Can you do that for me? Promise?
5. A hot dog I'm pretty sure is going to ghost you in about two weeks.
6. A glittery mouth that will kiss your butt with a smile all the live long day.
7. A pug so you can swim with a dog without getting all those tiny scratches.
8. A mermaid tail inner tube for if you've ever looked in the mirror, closed your eyes real tight, and wished to become half fish.
9. A straight up flamingo BOAT that should really be called the flamingo GOAT. Look at this thing! Lie to me and tell me you don't want to sit upon its back all summer.
10. A glittery tiger float so majestic he is honestly my king.
11. A butterfly wing float that's VERY social-media-friendly but is also dangerously close to the "jazz cup" print. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
12. A mallard float for anyone who's super into fun times but boring animals. You contain multitudes.
13. A sloth that hugs you, to which I can't help but say "absolutely not."
14. A beaver float for any time you feel like taking a ~dam~ swim.
15. A melted ice cream that would be upsetting in any other context, but as a float is the cherry on top of a great pool day.
16. A golden dragon you should at least try to name something a little more creative than "Drogon."
17. A boob float *OR* a chic, minimalist concentric circles float, depending on how willing your are to feign ignorance to keep your pool SFW.
18. An alligator cooler WITH CUP HOLDERS issued to every human born in Florida along with their birth certificate and social security card.
19. A cockroach who is likely to outlive you, long after the sun explodes and consumes the earth.
20. A Hawaiian shirt your dad will def want to steal. Keep an eye on him...
21. A whoopee cushion for bringing the greatest goof of all time into the great outdoors.
22. An enormous engagement ring to drop a little hint in your significant other's pool.
23. Or a big ol' candy ring if things between you aren't that serious yet.
24. A big ol' lip balm so you always have a lifetime supply.
25. A hamburger — I know it looks realistic, but don't chomp on it! It'll pop!
26. A llama, arguably the greatest animal of all time and *puts fingers in ears* na na na I can't hear you if you're trying to fight me on that.
Have a weird summer, y'all!
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