back to top

54 Sheffield Sentences That Will Confuse The Fuck Out Of Everyone Else

"This restaurant's crap." = Needs Hendos.

Posted on

1. "He's reyt nesh." — He has the audacity to wear a coat when it's snowing outside.

2. "I spent the day out in the Peak District." — I drove to a pub with a nice view of Ladybower.

3. "There's nowt so queer as folk." — I've walked past the queue at Corporation on a Saturday night and seen things I'll never forget.

4. "That round were proper expensive." — I spent more than £10 on four drinks.

5. "E's dead flash these days." — He spent more than £10 on four drinks and didn't flinch. Clearly been living in London too long, the posh git.

6. "The students make Crookes a lively place to live." — I usually wake up with a traffic cone and two empty cans of lager on my doorstep, but by god it's affordable.

7. "I live in Dore." — I am loaded.

8. "I live on Manor Top." — Don't look at me like that; it's not that bad.

9. "I live in Leeds." -—I have been excommunicated.

10. "Sheffield's actually dead good for shopping." — Meadowhall can burn in hell, viva Devonshire Street.

11. "I'll have a half, please." — I'm as embarrassed as you about this, but I'm on antibiotics/severely hungover/have a job interview in half an hour. But I will never, repeat never, give in to a soft drink. Clue's in the name. Soft lad.

12. "Sheffield is basically the craft beer capital of the UK these days." — Sometimes I just really want a nice pint of mild.

13. "Owl or Blade?" — Our pending friendship depends on this.

14. "Stop being such a mardy arse." — Cheer up, love.

15. "Na then, thee." — How the devil are you?

16. "This pie's dead dry." — Needs Hendos.

17. "This Bloody Mary isn't reyt spicy." — Needs Hendos.

18. "This restaurant's crap." — Needs Hendos.

19. "Your mam's a barmpot." — Your mother has suggested going to Fargate on Boxing Day for the sales.

20. "Shurrup, ya daft apeth." — I love you, but you're drunk and talking nonsense.

21. "Ge'ore." — No really, shut up.

22. "Be reet." — Not my problem, mate.

23. "I've just bought a mountain bike." — I'm becoming one of those Sheffield people.

24. "Fancy coming to the Foundry after work?" — I want to fulfill another Sheffield stereotype. Bring on the ropes and crampons, I'll have buns of steel in no time.

25. "We're going out on Ecclesall Road." — PAYDAY!

26. "We're heading out down West Street." — I've got no coat, no inhibitions and no hope of remembering anything post 9pm.

27. "We're hitting up Devonshire Street." — I want to find a guy with a beard/lass with horn-rimmed glasses.

28. "We're drinking in Kelham Island." — I'm going to have eight pints of obscure ale and wake up with bowel movements that a caveman would be ashamed of.

29. "Count yoursen lucky." — My life is a lot harder than yours and I'm about to detail exactly how and why in quite some detail.

30. "Yeah I'm alright." — I'm having a wonderful day.

31. "Chuffed to bits mate." — I feel really quite pleased with the way my life is going.

32. "Aye, champion." — I am overwhelmed with joy. I imagine this is how it feels to win a Nobel prize and the lottery on the same day.

33. "I'm on my way." — I left the house 45 minutes ago, but I'm on a bus and on Abbeydale Road, so who knows when I'll arrive?

34. "Fancy a brew?" — Would you like a strongly-mashed cup of Yorkshire tea in lieu of me verbalising my warm feelings for you?

35. "Have you et tea?" — I'm your mother and I love you, but I'd rather demonstrate that through a hot meal than with words.

36. "Hiya, love." — Thanks for choosing my checkout.

37. "Here you are, flower." — Here's your shopping.

38. "Ta, duck." — And here's your change.

39. "We've missed the last bus." — It is 10:30pm.

40. "I used to train with Jessica Ennis." — There were people in my year that went to running club with Jessica Ennis.

41. "Tramlines is the best time of the year." — I only like Tramlines when I'm observing it from someone's balcony with a toilet in close proximity.

42. "Sheffield City Council." — The bastards that cut down all the trees and installed LED lampposts that give all the streets an eerie futuristic glow.

43. "When's the next blue bin day?" — I don't think I can face having all these bottles on display outside the house for another fortnight.

44. "All of these new coffee places make Sheffield feel really cosmopolitan." — Two pounds chuffin' fifty for a bloody latte?

45. "The Hope Valley Line." — The most picturesque commute possible, with the least amount of reception.

46. "Snake Pass." — Scratch that, this is the most picturesque commute possible. Even less reception.

47. "I work at the university." — I came here to study 15 years ago and can't bring myself to leave.

48. "I work at Meadowhall." — My Christmas commute makes me want to cry.

49. "I work in steel." — I am a time traveller.

50. "I love Sheffield in the winter." — I enjoy drinking in the Christmas market.

51. "I love Sheffield in the summer." — I enjoy drinking in pub beer gardens.

52. "I love Sheffield in the spring." — I enjoy drinking wine in the Botanical Gardens at the first hint of sunshine.

53. "I love Sheffield in the Autumn." — I enjoy drinking in pubs with open fires and dogs.

54. "Bugger off." — I love you.