1. "He's reyt nesh." — He has the audacity to wear a coat when it's snowing outside.
2. "I spent the day out in the Peak District." — I drove to a pub with a nice view of Ladybower.
3. "There's nowt so queer as folk." — I've walked past the queue at Corporation on a Saturday night and seen things I'll never forget.
4. "That round were proper expensive." — I spent more than £10 on four drinks.
5. "E's dead flash these days." — He spent more than £10 on four drinks and didn't flinch. Clearly been living in London too long, the posh git.
6. "The students make Crookes a lively place to live." — I usually wake up with a traffic cone and two empty cans of lager on my doorstep, but by god it's affordable.
7. "I live in Dore." — I am loaded.
8. "I live on Manor Top." — Don't look at me like that; it's not that bad.
9. "I live in Leeds." -—I have been excommunicated.
10. "Sheffield's actually dead good for shopping." — Meadowhall can burn in hell, viva Devonshire Street.
11. "I'll have a half, please." — I'm as embarrassed as you about this, but I'm on antibiotics/severely hungover/have a job interview in half an hour. But I will never, repeat never, give in to a soft drink. Clue's in the name. Soft lad.
12. "Sheffield is basically the craft beer capital of the UK these days." — Sometimes I just really want a nice pint of mild.
13. "Owl or Blade?" — Our pending friendship depends on this.
14. "Stop being such a mardy arse." — Cheer up, love.
15. "Na then, thee." — How the devil are you?
16. "This pie's dead dry." — Needs Hendos.
17. "This Bloody Mary isn't reyt spicy." — Needs Hendos.
18. "This restaurant's crap." — Needs Hendos.
19. "Your mam's a barmpot." — Your mother has suggested going to Fargate on Boxing Day for the sales.
20. "Shurrup, ya daft apeth." — I love you, but you're drunk and talking nonsense.
21. "Ge'ore." — No really, shut up.
22. "Be reet." — Not my problem, mate.
23. "I've just bought a mountain bike." — I'm becoming one of those Sheffield people.
24. "Fancy coming to the Foundry after work?" — I want to fulfill another Sheffield stereotype. Bring on the ropes and crampons, I'll have buns of steel in no time.
25. "We're going out on Ecclesall Road." — PAYDAY!
26. "We're heading out down West Street." — I've got no coat, no inhibitions and no hope of remembering anything post 9pm.
27. "We're hitting up Devonshire Street." — I want to find a guy with a beard/lass with horn-rimmed glasses.
28. "We're drinking in Kelham Island." — I'm going to have eight pints of obscure ale and wake up with bowel movements that a caveman would be ashamed of.
29. "Count yoursen lucky." — My life is a lot harder than yours and I'm about to detail exactly how and why in quite some detail.
30. "Yeah I'm alright." — I'm having a wonderful day.
31. "Chuffed to bits mate." — I feel really quite pleased with the way my life is going.
32. "Aye, champion." — I am overwhelmed with joy. I imagine this is how it feels to win a Nobel prize and the lottery on the same day.
33. "I'm on my way." — I left the house 45 minutes ago, but I'm on a bus and on Abbeydale Road, so who knows when I'll arrive?
34. "Fancy a brew?" — Would you like a strongly-mashed cup of Yorkshire tea in lieu of me verbalising my warm feelings for you?
35. "Have you et tea?" — I'm your mother and I love you, but I'd rather demonstrate that through a hot meal than with words.
36. "Hiya, love." — Thanks for choosing my checkout.
37. "Here you are, flower." — Here's your shopping.
38. "Ta, duck." — And here's your change.
39. "We've missed the last bus." — It is 10:30pm.
40. "I used to train with Jessica Ennis." — There were people in my year that went to running club with Jessica Ennis.
41. "Tramlines is the best time of the year." — I only like Tramlines when I'm observing it from someone's balcony with a toilet in close proximity.
42. "Sheffield City Council." — The bastards that cut down all the trees and installed LED lampposts that give all the streets an eerie futuristic glow.
43. "When's the next blue bin day?" — I don't think I can face having all these bottles on display outside the house for another fortnight.
44. "All of these new coffee places make Sheffield feel really cosmopolitan." — Two pounds chuffin' fifty for a bloody latte?
45. "The Hope Valley Line." — The most picturesque commute possible, with the least amount of reception.
46. "Snake Pass." — Scratch that, this is the most picturesque commute possible. Even less reception.
47. "I work at the university." — I came here to study 15 years ago and can't bring myself to leave.
48. "I work at Meadowhall." — My Christmas commute makes me want to cry.
49. "I work in steel." — I am a time traveller.
50. "I love Sheffield in the winter." — I enjoy drinking in the Christmas market.
51. "I love Sheffield in the summer." — I enjoy drinking in pub beer gardens.
52. "I love Sheffield in the spring." — I enjoy drinking wine in the Botanical Gardens at the first hint of sunshine.
53. "I love Sheffield in the Autumn." — I enjoy drinking in pubs with open fires and dogs.
54. "Bugger off." — I love you.