Quixotic
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    • Quixotic

      Whether or not you’ll have to empty it in public really depends. It’s generally considered safe to leave cups in for up to 12 hours, so if your flow isn’t super heavy and you’re not out of the house for more than that, it’s often feasible to wait until you’re home. For me, not having to mess with period products when I’m at work/in public is actually one of the benefits of using a cup. But if you have a heavy flow, you may need to empty the cup before going home.

    • Quixotic

      That goes both ways, honestly. There are people who depend on the print book industry, but there are also people whose careers have been helped by the increased popularity and ease of ebooks. A lot of small presses make a lot of their money from ebooks, and authors who write novellas have an easier time selling their work now because it’s often not profitable to sell shorter works in print format. The romance genre also enjoyed a boost after the Kindle became big. So either way, you’re supporting the publishing industry. I think people should read what they want in the format that they most prefer.

    • Quixotic

      Eh, there’s some racism/race-based stereotyping involved in how people judge names, but calling this appropriation implies that 1. these particular names are being taken from the black community (not really. None of these names have any particular significance or popularity in the African American community that I’m aware of) and 2. “hipster” is seen as a good thing. Black people who give their kids unusual names are often stereotyped as being “ghetto.” White people who give their kids “hipster” names are often stereotyped as being the type of obnoxious helicopter parents who expect the world to revolve around their kids, think their kids are more unique and gifted than everyone else’s kids, and who brag about never feeding their kids sugar or gluten. Both of these are class-based stereotypes to a large degree (“Ghetto” names make people think of poorer communities and “hipster” parents are often assumed to be somewhat affluent), but both stereotypes are negative and giving your kid a name that’s spelled strangely is in no way appropriation.

    • Quixotic

      One thing that’s really important to understand is that non-binary people can experience body dysphoria just like binary-identified trans people do. It can just be a little different. Me being non-binary has nothing to do with whether or not I feel masculine or feminine. I have no problem with the idea of being a woman who goes against gender norms. I think that’s really cool, actually! But I have physical dysphoria. When a stranger looks at me and calls me “ma’am,” it feels weird. Imagine if all of a sudden, people started mistaking you for Madonna even though you didn’t really think you looked like Madonna. Maybe you have no problem with the idea of looking like Madonna, but it’s kind of frustrating that everyone else is seeing something that you can’t see. That’s what dysphoria can be like. I “see” my body as being much more masculine than it is, so it creates an incongruity when I’m reminded that it’s not. But medically transitioning to male would mean changing my body in ways that also feel foreign. I can’t imagine having a body like a cisgender man’s, and being perceived as a man doesn’t feel 100% right, either. Identifying as non-binary allows me to acknowledge my dysphoria and correct it in a way that feels more comfortable to me. I’ve tried ignoring my dysphoria and I’ve tried identifying as FTM and pursuing a “full” transition to living as male, and neither option has been comfortable or sustainable to me. I always end up buckling under the weight of it after a while.

    • Quixotic

      Just use common sense. Seriously. Use the same consideration you would hopefully use with anyone else. If you don’t know someone well, would you immediately ask them deeply personal questions about their family relationships, sex life, or medical history? Let’s say you meet a woman you don’t know very well, but you find out offhand that she’s a breast cancer survivor. Would you immediately ask her if her breasts were “real” or if she’d had a mastectomy and reconstruction? No, hopefully you wouldn’t. Would you ask a random black coworker of yours to teach you about racism? Again, hopefully not. But these topics might be appropriate if the person is a friend or they’ve brought the topic up. The problem trans people face is that a lot of people seem to think that by nature of being trans, a person should be willing to answer deeply personal questions about their medical history, their love life, and their genitals. There’s no reason you need to ask a trans acquaintance what genitals they have in order to better learn about trans people. You also don’t need a specific trans person to educate you if they’re not volunteering information. If the context is appropriate, then you should be able to have an honest exchange. But part of that means accepting and respecting it if your friend tells you they’re uncomfortable with the question, and picking up on their cues. If they don’t talk about being trans much, maybe they don’t want to discuss these things.

    • Quixotic

      Bear in mind that coming out is a very personal decision. It’s normal to have some fears about your child facing prejudice, but be careful about how you express these fears to your child. If you say something like, “Don’t tell anyone else in the family right now” or “Wait until you’re older to come out,” you might just be trying to keep them safe. But your child might get the message that you want them to stay hidden because you’re ashamed of them, or that you don’t understand why coming out matters to them. Make sure to really listen to, and respect, your child’s point of view. You might have some valid points, but your child is more likely to consider that if they feel like you respect what they want and if they know that you’re not ashamed of them.

    • Quixotic

      A lot of people have things that make them feel very self-conscious. Feeling the need to bind when going out isn’t inherently worse than, say, wearing makeup to cover up acne or wearing a wig because you suffer from hair loss. A lot of this depends on the person. I used to wear makeup to hide my acne, and for me, it wasn’t healthy. I had horrible self-esteem and I hated makeup, so wearing it every day felt like this horrible punishment I had to endure to avoid shame. That doesn’t mean that everyone who wears makeup to cover their acne is doing it for unhealthy reasons, though. Conversely, I’m really chill about binding. I like it because I like how I look/feel when I have a flat chest. But I’m really careful to take care of myself. I have no intention of actually harming myself, and if I can’t bind because it’s too hot or I don’t feel up to it, I’m okay with that. Also, binding is an intermediate step for a lot of people. The guys who feel really, really strongly about binding all the time often want to get top surgery as soon as possible. Binding is a necessary middle step for them until they can do that. A lot of trans people know that binding every day long-term isn’t really sustainable.

    • Quixotic

      It definitely can be uncomfortable. There’s a reason advice about binding safely exists. But while my binder is less comfortable than my really comfortable bras, I wouldn’t say it’s really less comfortable than, say, my high-impact sports bras or some of my underwire bras. One thing I like better about binders is that the straps can be more comfortable for me and it’s nice not having so much of the pressure isolated to a single band (I’ve always had trouble getting band sizes that fit me).

    • Quixotic

      Most religions don’t blackmail people, extort millions of dollars from them, and hold them prisoner if they go against the church. It’s not just Scientology’s belief system that makes them crazy—it’s their practices. By contrast, even if you don’t agree with the beliefs, there’s clearly a difference between mainstream Christianity and something like the Westboro Baptist Church. Also, I don’t think that all religious beliefs have to be judged equally. There’s a difference between a belief that can’t really be disproven, like the vague existence of a higher power, and something that can be demonstrated to be false, like believing that the Earth is only 6,000 years old. Scientology is based on the “teachings” of a known con artist and tax evader. It has zero credibility.

    • Quixotic

      Try not to compare yourself to others. Binding might never get you 100% flat. That’s normal and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. A lot of trans men don’t get 100% flat. Some people will talk about doing things like wearing their binders all day every day, working out in them, sleeping in them, etc. This is their choice, but it has risks. Don’t feel obligated to do the same thing. It doesn’t make you less trans if there are days when your boobs are more noticeable because you didn’t feel up to binding. It doesn’t make you less trans if your ribs are sensitive and you can’t bind for as long as some people do. Your identity is still valid either way, and there’s no shame in not being able to bind as much as some people do, or not being able to achieve the same results when you do.

    • Quixotic

      If I’ve only tried something once or twice and I feel like not eating it is limiting me, I try to give it another chance. I didn’t like salmon the first couple times I tried it, but I wasn’t sure if the problem was that I truly didn’t like it, or if I just didn’t like how it was prepared. I wanted to like it because I saw a lot of dishes in restaurants that sounded good, so I decided to give it more of a chance. It turns out that I did have to get used to the flavor, but that how it’s prepared makes a huge difference for me, and now I like it a lot. But if I really dislike something and not eating it isn’t negatively affecting me, I don’t try to force it. I grew up dreading it every time my mom made pork chops because pork is so unappetizing to me. I have zero interest in learning to like pork, and my life is better for having cut it out of my diet. And sometimes you have to listen to your body. I don’t mind being adventurous, but really spicy food upsets my stomach, so I try to be careful. When I tried to drink black coffee more, I realized that coffee makes me really sick sometimes, so that was the end of that experiment. It’s okay to have some preferences and limitations. No one has to be able to eat everything, and those who can are lucky.

    • Quixotic

      Why are more people scared of cats than dogs? That’s really surprising considering there are a lot of dogs that are actually big and strong enough to seriously injure you if they’re dangerous. With cats, the bigger risk is getting an infection from a bite. There’s a reason there are police dogs but no police cats.

    • Quixotic

      One time, one of my cats knocked a container of cupcakes off the counter. I caught her licking the frosting off the floor. A few of my cats went through a phase when they were young where they’d grab unattended food and run off with it, I guess out of instinct. One time, one of them grabbed a biscuit and took it behind some floor-length curtains to eat it in private. One of my cats would truly eat random stuff, though. He’d always stop and eat random crumbs he’d find on the floor. I had to be careful to pick up any leaves, flowers, etc. that I might track into the house, because he’d eat them and throw them up.

    • Quixotic

      Yeah, the problem with health insurance in the US is that unless have a really good plan (which most people can’t afford unless their employer chips in), most plans are really only good for routine preventative care and helping offset the cost if you get in a bad accident or have a serious medical emergency. But most people need insurance to cover stuff like diagnostic tests, prescriptions, and non-emergency treatments.

    • Quixotic

      Working hard doesn’t always translate to owning a home or a car. A lot of this depends on factors like what career you’re in and where you live. Living in a rural community isn’t going to be feasible for everyone, especially if there are limited jobs. Some people go into careers that typically earn less, like working in the non-profit sector. A little bit of bad luck, like a health crisis, can derail someone’s life. People who are in situations like these aren’t irresponsible or bad workers. Part of being a responsible adult is recognizing that sometimes your life circumstances won’t allow you to have everything, and that you might have to sacrifice owning a car or a house for a while in order to take care of other needs.

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