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51 Thoughts A Mom Has As Soon As She Opens Her Eyes

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1. Is it trash day?

2. Did I actually just sleep for six uninterrupted hours?

3. I need 50 oz of coffee immediately.

4. The dog stinks.

5. How on earth is my partner still sleeping.

6. Have we run out of eggs?

7. If I don't get dinner in the slow cooker now, we will all starve.

8. How can any one child have this many parent-teacher meetings?

9. Am I supposed to bring oranges to the soccer game today? Does this mean I have to buy oranges before work?

10. Is there a soccer game today?

11. What season even IS it right now?

12. Wait, it's winter. There is no soccer. Thank GOD.

13. When is the last time I showered?

14. Will today be a day I wear mascara, yes or no? No. No, it's not.

15. Haha like I even care about mascara anymore.

16. Does my boss wish I was wearing mascara more often?

17. My daughter better not even care about what men think.

18. Are omelets gluten free?

19. Can children be allergic to carbs?

20. Do we still have coffee?

21. But there is not enough coffee in the world.

22. Can I serve last night's pot roast leftovers for breakfast...

23. ...Probably not.

24. Oh wait, we have oatmeal! Oatmeal it is.

25. I should get the kids checked for allergies.

26. What age do kids get allergic to peanuts and stuff?

27. What age do they get driver's licenses?

28. OMG I need to renew my tags.

29. Or is it change the oil?

30. Who's on The View today? Not that I'll have time to watch it.

31. Why is it so quiet?

32. Oh no.

33. Oh wait no, somebody is screaming. All is well.

34. What day is it today, anyway? Soccer? Art class? Piano.

35. Definitely piano.

36. I can't wait to see my kids.

37. OK, I should probably get out of bed before something catches fire.

38. Can I work from home today?

39. Ugh, no, the mess will be too distracting.

40. Speaking of work, I should get up. On the count of three.

41. How are they STILL sleeping?!

42. Please let my daughter not text me any links to things she wants me to buy her today.

43. She's the best. All my kids are the best.

44. That reminds me... carpool day.

45. That kid down the street better walk out the door after TWO honks, or I'm outta there. I can't be late again.

46. How many PB&Js do I have to make today?

47. Wait, what day is it again?

48. I need a nap.

49. I'm so lucky.

50. But I really should train them to bring me coffee.

51. OK, NOW.


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