When you wake up at 6 a.m.:
1. Ahh, rise and shine! Time to start the day!
2. Wait...it's SIX O'CLOCK???
3. Since when did I become an early riser?
4. It's literally pitch black outside.
5. This is when my MOM wakes up to feed the dog and have her tea.
6. Mmm, a nice, strong cup of tea sounds really good right now—
7. Am I seriously choosing tea over the snooze button?
8. Something is happening to me.
When you're getting ready for work:
9. I should prob buy a hair dryer.
10. Going out with wet hair is a recipe for the sniffles.
11. Lol, I sound just like my mom.
12. Umm, actually...I just quoted her word for word.
13. RECIPE FOR THE SNIFFLES?!
14. Help.
15. Speaking of recipes, what should I make for dinner tonight?
16. I could get a quick grocery store run in now since I got up so early.
17. Maybe a nice roasted chicken with veggies and rice?
18. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
19. The sun is still not even up and I'm thinking about a) errands, and b) the nutritious home-cooked meal (with SIDES??) I'm going to prepare 11 HOURS FROM NOW?
20. What happened to ordering pad thai from my phone at like 9 p.m.?
21. Guess it's pad BYE, amirite?
22. LOL, that was such a dad joke.
23. Oh dear.
24. To the grocery store it is...I guess.
25. But first I obviously need to clean up from breakfast.
26. Can't leave the house with dirty dishes!
27. This is definitely the first time I have ever cared about having ONE cup and ONE plate in the sink...
28. I'm starting to not even recognize myself. 😣
On the way to work:
29. Oh no, I think I left the burner on.
30. I totally did. I need to go back.
*doubles back to house*
31. Aaand, nope. It was off.
32. Well, better check the toaster to be safe.
33. And make sure none of the faucets are dripping.
34. Aaand they're all off. Since when did I become so paranoid about my home?
35. Mom always used to make us double back for stuff like this.
At work:
36. Umm, why is my computer not turning on?
37. I keep pressing the power button and nothing is happening.
38. GOSH DARN TECHNOLOGY, WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO BACK TO USING PAPER AND PENS AND FAX MACHINES?
39. Oh. I forgot to plug it in overnight and it ran out of juice. NBD.
40. Fax machines...seriously?
41. 😳 😳 😳
After work:
42. I'm glad I made broccoli. Gotta get dat calcium.
43. It's just like the parents always used to say: "Drink your milk so your bones grow nice and strong." 💪
44. I literally can't believe I'm worried about bone health rn?
45. I used to be proud of myself when I ingested something where the main ingredient wasn't sugar or grease.
46. What should I do before bed?
47. Maybe vacuum?
48. Going to pretend I DIDN'T just think that...
49. Embroidery would be a fun evening activity!
50. I'm sure my mom would lend me some of her materials.
51. EMBROIDERY? AM I DREAMING?
*pinches self...hard*
52. Nope, not dreaming.
53. RIP sweet, sweet youth.
54. Mom and Dad...
55. ...you win.
