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Twelve Reasons I’m Glad I Swapped Tinder For Pokémon Go

A couple of years ago, when I found myself newly single, fresh out of a long-term relationship, I had no idea what I was supposed to do next. ‘Seriously, get on Tinder,’ a friend told me. ‘That’s the only way to meet people these days.’ ‘Wow, there really is an app for everything,’ I laughed, but she was serious and I was clueless so I signed up. Now, I’m not here to slag off online dating (that’s what my Twitter account is for) but I did not have a great time with it. I met loser after loser, on date after date, with my rape alarm clutched so tightly in my hand it became a part of my person. Here’s the thing about Tinder though: the rare psychos aside, you meet so many cool and interesting people, and until they realise better, they all fancy you. You feel like a sex goddess with all these matches begging to take you out on dates. Suddenly, you’re not trying to find the love of your life anymore; you’re playing a mobile game. You’re trying to see how many matches you can get, how many phone numbers, how many dates… I’m lucky, I made it out of online dating both alive and no longer single – and it inspired my novel, Truth or Date, so I owe a lot to it - but I wouldn’t want to repeat the experience. The recent release of Pokémon Go had made me realise something: I wish this app had been around when I downloaded Tinder, because if you’re addicted to the app (rather than trying to find a soul mate through it) Pokémon Go is a much better habit. Here’s why…

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It’s better to collect cute little Pokémon than it is dudes who are only going to wind up in your friend zone – you were running out of chairs in there, anyway.

This morning I woke up with a Pikachu in my bed, which is much better than some loser dude and an overwhelming sense of regret.

On Pokémon Go, a Slowpoke is a good thing. So is a Bulbasaur, and a Weelde.

We’re all taught not to take candy from strangers, but the candy you get on Pokémon Go will not make you feel suspiciously tired...

The app sees you visit a lot of Pokéstops – and they are places other than Nando’s.

You don’t have the awkward problem of how you’re going to split the dinner bill with a Psyduck.

Pokémon will not try and catfish you.

Gotta catch ‘em all refers to something other than STDs on Pokémon Go.

If you don’t want a particular Pokémon, you can just transfer it. You don’t have to worry about giving it an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech to spare its feelings. And it won’t text you abuse for ditching it.

If you’re not in the mood, you just close the app. No need to fake a headache.

If your Pokémon aren’t good enough, you can evolve them into something better. Good luck trying to do that with a man.

If you catch one, it will definitely go home with you – and stay with you forever.

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